A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:We've only been together for 3 months and the feelings were very intense in the beginning, you can call it infatuation if you want but the girl is not my match in many ways but I try to love her for who she is but the biggest problem is that she doesn't talk much and doesn't like/know how to share her feelings but I've been trying to help her but she doesn't seem to improve, she keeps saying "I can't change myself". Again from the beginning there's this guy that always call her whenever(like 20 times coz she always try to ignore him) we are together but she tells me that she has nothing to do with this guy anymore that they are just friends even though they have had sex(one night stand she told me) before we met but the most painful thing is what I read in her facebook account 2 days ago. She keeps telling her exs that she still loves them and seem to have had many while she told me that she only had 4 in her life and cheated once. I am sick in bed(not because of this though) now and she knows that but she hasn't bothered calling me at all, but she keeps saying that she seriously wants a baby with me and spend the rest of her life with me but still has to tell some guys that she's single. I'm 22 btw and she told she's 22 too but i seriously doubt it. I think she's a bit older than me. I'm a career oriented university student but she isn't, in case you wonder what our backgrounds are and she's terribly shy. How would you handle this case coz I feel like dumping her. Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): Cut your losses three months is nothing compared to a life time of lies... you deserve better and you will feel better about your self as a person iyou leave her!!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): First off sorry you're in bed not feeling too well, it's the time of year, and I've been like it myself, so sending you get well wishes.
My advice would be to go, very, very slowly with this girl, as from an outsiders perspective 'all' you say about her points to her not being 'good relationship material' RIGHT NOW, if ever, but the latter is rather sweeping, however, at 22 saying she wants to have a baby with you, and you're the one kind of thing after 3 MONTHS is indicative of a person who doesn't take time to get to know someone before deciding IF they might be compatible. Whatever is she basing this decision on, as it seems, neither of you have the same core values, as in your university and looking towards career, and she's not, that may not show cracks now, but it is certainly a front runner in the qualities needed for a LTR.
That aside, if everything else was indicating same goals, same page of the book, emotionally stable, then may be you might consider a LTR with her AFTER dating 12-18 months to see how things pan out between you.
What's more worrying from YOUR position is her 'several exs'
who she professes her love for, but not you, then on top of this, she has one night stands with an ex, and continues to use facebook for communicating with him/them, in addition to saying she is single...
Reading that back, if I've read your posting correctly, does she sound like stable relationship material????
She sounds needy to me - meaning she needs a guy somewhere in her life, she needs attention, tells guys she's single, because that gives her the opportunity to have options whilst she tries to secure nesting box. If she really genuinely had fallen in love you (not being harsh) and demonstrated it, by not being on FB, telling others she was not single, she was happy with this guy of 3 months, then her past is her past, but really, from what you say, her past is still overspilling into her life, and sadly YOURS too!
Personally, but I'm a woman of set standards, I would want to find someone I could share similar values, life goals etc, and someone who didn't NEED to be talking about having babies within 3 months..But you need to decide what is right for you.
Hope it's helped a bit..and get well soon, plenty of fluids, hot drinks and rest!
Jilly
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): I would do exactly what you feel like doing.
She sounds like she's not serious about this at all and after 3 months she's making no effort to get closer to you or open up. That "this is who I am" stuff is a deflection basically it's an excuse and a load of crap at that. She's not too shy to tell every guy who she's ever been with she still loves them.
Here read this, ignore the "women" part I think it applies to your situation pretty well. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/women-actions-speak-louder-than-words.html
I think you know what the deal is man. I think you know what she's playing at,her words don't match her behaviour and her actions suggest she's just not that into being with you. She'll only break your heart and frankly all her talk makes no sense, babies and all that stuff, combined with her actions just make her a bit weird.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (6 December 2010):
er...dump her.
try re-reading back what you wrote and you should see that she is making a mug of you.
as for wanting a baby, ha ! don't even go there, and as im a cynic, be extra careful when having sex, you don;t want to fall into any traps if they are more than just words she's saying.
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