A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend split up about 2 months ago. I heard through a friend that she kissed her male 'friend'.When we were together this guy obviously fancied her, he took a photo of himself on her phone and put it as her wallpaper.When i mentioned it to my girlfriend she said "are you been serious? its adam for god sake"Now ive seen a pic of her kissing him, she has been drunk on both the times that i heard about but she could have kissed him more than that.She kissed him the other day at her birthday party, that she invited me to but i said i couldnt go.My girl mate also went to the party and they talked about me for abit.My ex said that when she opened the card i sent her she burst into tears. She also said that she still loved me.Im confused!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks alot or all of your responses.
I dont think there was anything going on between them whilst we were together.
We split up because i became too needy, paranoid, controlling etc and i just lost myself, it wasnt me and we were making each other unhappy.
At first everything was perfect but then i dont know things gradually got worse, argument after argument and i was in a rut. I needed reassurance to get out, she didnt want to reassure me because she didnt believe i trusted her. She wrote me letters telling me things needed to change, we had talk after talk but it never sunk into me what an idiot i was been un until now.
I have told her that i wanted ot be with her and to let me know if she wanted to be with me. She said she cant say how she completely feels, but isnt able to say she wants us to be together.
Her best friend put the picture on facebook. Her other friend that she has been spending alot of time with since we broke up will have undoubtedly told her lies.
Im concentrating on making myself better as a person, like "emilyanswers" says.
She also said to my girl mate that she thinks its me that has moved on because i dont speak to her anymore or see her anymore (when we first broke up i did, but i didnt think she wanted to get back, and its too difficult to just be friends so i needed my space) and im like, im the one that rang you told you how i felt, that i wasnt interested in other girls, still loved her, wanted to know how she felt.
Soooo confusing!
Any further answers please?
A
female
reader, ArborVitae +, writes (21 July 2008):
No wonder you feel confused - on the one hand you see her kissing her friend and on the other hand you see her bursting into tears at your birthday card.When we've been hurt emotionally, such as after a break-up, we crave comfort. We want to feel better. In kissing her male friend it is quite possible that your ex is simply trying to make herself feel better. It issignificant that she has chosen to kiss this friend that she has in the past clearly stated that she does not feel attracted to. Perhaps she feels "safe" with him - so that she can kiss him, in an attempt to feel comforted, wanted or desired. But the fact that she cried at your card seems to indicate that she see's no real significance to her liasons with her friend. Her heart was clearly with you when she cried at your card.We do silly,impulsive things when we are hurting...and did you not mention that boths times this happened she had been drinking?A broken heart plus alcohol can all too often lead to a kiss. But from all this you must look at the most significant event. When your ex cried at your card. There are unresolved feelings here and I certainly feel you owe to each other to address these.
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A
male
reader, bailey123123 +, writes (21 July 2008):
If she keeps kissing him on the lips get rid of her because she is cheating on you but if she still loves you then it is a tricky question so im not sure.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 July 2008):
Well of course there are lots of pictures of her kissing him. He is obviously really into her and is now taking every advantage he can to get her while she is drunk / vulnerable. He's then going to post the pic all over places where you can see it, so you know he's won. He's marking his territory.
If you want to get back with her then be a man and tell her. You can't just sit there and hope she comes wandering back to you in her own time. This guy is going to be telling her CONSTANTLY how she is right not to be with you.
You don't say why you split up but if you want to get her back then you are going to have to put in the effort and show her you are better than him. I don't mean challenge him to a duel but be more romantic, more gorgeous, more of everything she wants in a man.
Good Luck!! xx
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