A
male
age
41-50,
*uturelawyer
writes:i posted about a month ago after my fiance of 6 years left. she contacted me after a week went by and said she wasn't sure she made the right decision. we started seeing eachother and talking sporadically. I got the feeling that she met someone new and that she wasn't sure who she wanted. yesterday we met for lunch and my worst nightmere was confirmed--she has another guy who is chasing her and who she said she likes. He told her he thinks he is in love with her.she said she needs time to figure out whether she wants to come back to me or to start new with this guy. I'm a total mess and have been for a long time, this new guy makes it even worse. she is planning to spend some more time with me and constantly tells me how much she loves and misses me, she also agreed to go to counseling with me when i asked her. What should I do? I'm in my first year of law school and falling way behind, I can't eat, sleep, or function at all.
View related questions:
fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): Tell her to get stuffed! Who said she could have a choice? She made her choice when she left.Don't let her pick you up and drop you whenever she pleases.
Throw all of your energy into law school....that will benefit you a whole lot more than a girlfriend.
A
female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (3 April 2008):
 She is being very unfair and completely unreasonable. If she really can't decide what she wants then she should tell you that and leave you alone until she can decide - if you still want her by that time. She's thinking about herself and not about you, and that's no basis for any sort of lasting relationship.
I don't doubt that sometimes it's very difficult to make a decision when you know that two people are interested in you, but stringing them both along at the same time isn't acceptable behaviour. More to the point, if she can't decide then the chances are that neither of you is right for her long-term. When you've found the right person then usually you know it fairly quickly even if it doesn't stop you finding others attractive and desirable. What she definitely doesn't have to do, particularly if she has been your fiance for 6 years previously, is go from one to the other comparing them. She's taking the ****, if you'll pardon the starred-out expletive!!
The decision is yours, of course. You can put up with it and all the stress that goes with it, or you can tell her that she needs to decide. From what you've said, my advice would be to forget her and try to move on. Your studies at law school are important. Fill your head with those for a while; assume she isn't coming back to you; if someone else appears then take it as it comes; and think long and hard if she does come back and says she wants you - you don't want to be going through all this again in a year or two when she finds someone else she thinks might be attractive.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): DON'T LET THIS RUIN YOUR LIFE! Get a grip on yourself and get a grip on your priorities. NEVER, EVER allow a woman to dictate your life's dreams, goals or ambitions. Being in love can be a very very beautiful thing, but it can also lead to devastating consequences. You're a man! And as a man you should be able to handle many things with power, clarity and authority!
This is what "I" would do in this situation. Though I've invested 6 years into this relationship, I would see her again an dmake this easy....for both of us. I would tell her to go ahead and start over with this new man. If she doesn't know by now whether she wants to be with you for sure....after 6 years, then she will never know. This may hurt you deep emotionally, but let's be real with thyself!
Don't compete with another man over this woman. There really should be no need to compete, especially after all the time invested. She ...to me...is playing games. What you should do is concentrate on your studies. You're also making an investment into your career and profession and you want to be the best....in anything and everything you do, so concentrate on your studies! A lawyer makes plenty of money and many many of them are very successful and rich, especially when they are good and excel in thier fields. I've seen and known, corporate, criminal, civil, divorce and entertainment lawyers make millions within 2 to 3 years of becoming lawyers. I would like for you to be one of them. Don't allow this to be the beginning of your downfall. Don't result to drink or drugs or depression because of this. Be strong and move on with your life. Good luck to you and I truly wish you well in all of your future endeavors.
BadVoice
Wash.DC
...............................
|
