A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have been dating my GF for over a year. we are madly in love and she says she has never loved anyone as much as she loves me, and i know from various sources she wants to marry me one day.we have never had sex without a condom. she is on birth control and takes it properly/on time, but she still insists on me wearing a condom. which is fine, BUT - i know that with her boyfriend before me she did not have sex with a condom. she had gone on the birth control shortly before meeting him for her period, and then the first few months of dating him they had condom less sex because he was older, she felt a little intimated by him and his age (8 yrs older), and he preferred sex without one. after a few months of condom-less sex apparently she started making him wear one.now, it REALLY makes me mad that this asshole who she dated half as long as we have been dating got to experience that kind of intimacy with her, while I, the guy she wants to marry, has not. aside from sex feeling so much better without condoms, i REALLY want to experience this kind of closeness with her.of course i respect her, i would never force her into condom-less sex and sometimes while we have sex while drunk and she says i don't have to wear one, i still do. i will only ever do that if she allows me to, while sober. and she knows this, and appreciates this.now i know she regrets allowing this ex to cum inside her, but it still makes me steaming mad and jealous towards this guy. maybe it is an immaturity on my part, but i still can't change how i feel.any advice on how to deal with this? just get over it, i guess? but can i explain this to her, how i am mad that this loser got to experience this with her but she won't allow it with me? also, what are people's opinions on birth control? i don't want to get pregnant any more than she does, but i have a lot of faith in the pill. anyone have info or a good website explaining the reliability of the pill?? i've talked to some of my guy friends about this and they think it's absurd that she is on the pill and still makes me wear a condom.*we are both tested and clean and faithful, by the way*thanks so much -
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female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (24 November 2008):
 I think she wants to have peace of mind about not getting pregnant before you are married. There is no harm in that, after all contraception is supposed to be 98-99% reliable, and they all seem to compare well, and you think what are the chances of both failing at the same time. Although she takes the pill properly, there is a chance that she might not do, on the one occasion you don't use a condom.
Plus, I know it's a contradiction in terms but it can be more intimate, or make you feel closer to somebody without condoms. You are probably wondering how a girl is happy to have sex or feels ready but doesn't feel ready to have condom-less sex. It's a strange parogative, and in a way is a complement to you. She probably won't feel happy about no condoms until you are a lot nearer to getting married.
I am thinking along the lines of how long do you know somebody before you feel ready to have sex, or some people won't have sex until the best part of a year or until marriage. It will probably feel like that a bit for her by insisting on condom use.
She wouldn't have wanted to have sex with many guys without (due to diseases), and thinks of it in terms of making the exception for you so to speak, and probably regretted doing so in the past. In those terms it's a complement to you and your relationship together when it happens.
I expect it's part of her way of holding back so to speak. Rather than holding back on sex all together, it's done in this way, to keep something special or more unique.
These days very few of us only have sex with one partner, so perhaps she wants to hold one or two things back until marriage, or nearly married so things feel special, or that only you two have done together. I expect although she has obviously been happy to have sex, she only anticipated having condom-less sex with one guy ever.
Fiona.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): It sounds like she was never comfortable with the other guy,having sex without a condom, and you are more considerate of her wishes, which could be part of the reason she wants to marry you.
You say you heard 'from various sources'. Talk to your girlfriend about this, not other people, because that is what will bring you closer.
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