A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, hope you can give me some advice. I'm a 22 y/o gay woman.I just ended a relationship I was in for six months, basically because the girl I was dating was nice when sober and mean when drunk. When we first started seeing each other she told me all about how her dad was an abusive drunk who used to beat up her mother really badly and how she saw this all through her childhood. This made me feel bad for her and I wanted to protect her.However, I quickly realised that maybe things do run in families :( She was never physically abusive to me when drunk, but if she'd gone out and I wasn't with her I could always expect to get abusive text messages or phone calls telling me that I wasn't good enough and I was emotionally crippled so we might as well break up. When I ignored the phone she'd just leave abusive messages. Sometimes she would call as many as 15 times in the night.When she's sober, she's nice. She gets drunk A LOT. I'd dread her getting drunk. I could see her change right in front of me and I'd come to dread also the nights she'd go out without me. Eventually I'd turn my mobile off in the night and my house phone ringer.She refused to talk about her drunk behaviour, pretending it hadn't happened when she was sober. I became depressed and stressed out and withdrawn and my doctor put me on anti-depressants and told me to end the relationship. I did, but she's still drunk calling me! :( When we were together she'd talk about all the people she knew who'd been in prison for violence and who would "do her favours" if someone annoyed her and now I'm kinda frightened as well as stressed by the phone calls. I'm hardly big, or tough. But I'd feel ridiculous going to the police about some drunk phone calls and half assed threats which weren't directed towards me.I don't want to change my numbers as I use them for my business (I work from home) and it'd be awkward and expensive to do so. Although I accept that if this goes on I might have to. She knows where I live anyway.Sorry this was so long, any advice at all would be appreciated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): Stalking is definition is "the willful, malicious and repeated harassing of another person" She is a hurt, obsessed woman and she needs to stop. There is a limit to the pain and suffering you can endure. This ex gf of yours, has an huge alcohol problem which makes her a a bitter, unhappy woman and she sounds tremendously lonely. She needs professional help. She's obviously is harboring some feelings of anger, resentment and possibly likes the idea of keeping you 'living in fear'. She sounds possessive. Well, dear... she is an adult and she can make adult choices. She can choose to learn how to communicate to you, more effectively and with respect. She can choose to learn how to manage her anger. She can choose not to abuse you. In order for you, to have some peace in your life, you will have to be strong and take measures to stopping her 'stalkerish' behaviors. Firstly, ignore the calls, completely. If you have call display..take note of who's calling you. If she does get through to you and begins her toxic crap, you take note of times, date she calls and document everything that is being said to you. Take this information to the police, lay some harrassment charges against her and have them deal with her. You may have to look into getting a restraining order, eventually if she gets too close. Next, no matter the efforts and expense to you, please change your phone numbers, as well as changing the locks on your door.
I don't think you have a lot of choices, here. But by setting tough boundaries, you are now standing up for yourself. Hopefully if you do, she'll get the message and back off. Sometimes, in life we have to call the 'bullies out' and confront them through legal ways. Most of them turn tail and run. Whatever you do, do not ever confront her or even say a word to her. It will only reinforce her motivation and she'll harass you even more. You need to do everything you can possibly do to protect yourself and get her out of your life. Not an easy task...get the police involved..it's gone on long enough.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): i think you should go to the police. they cant sayits stupid- its harassment! save all the messages she leaves and take them to the police, they'll know what to do. hope this helped and good luck =DXxXxX
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