A
male
age
36-40,
*enjamin_1985
writes:hi, ive posted before about an issue with this girl. i love her so much and its really upsetting me now. long story short we were first loves, she cheated on me pretty bad, it hurt [still kinda does]and recently admitted how we felt for one another and started dating again.she left a long term relationship for us to be together, she needed to he was very abusive to her.not in terms of beating but making her feel low and awful about herself, making her do things and do thigns with other people i shouldnt repeat here.so we dated for a few months, i needed to feel secure before being physical with her, and i couldnt talk about this trust issue for fear of bringing back the past and it hurting her.once i felt we were close enough and we had plans for dinner etc and take things further she disappeared for a couple months, we spoke for hours a while ago and we spoke again for hours[until our fones ran out of battery and until we fell asleep fone in hand by the charger] i called her wanting to explain and clear things up.i was worried because i wouldnt be intimate with her this made her feel unloved and undesired and pushed her away.we spoke and i told her look i had issues, i do love you i do desire you.she understood and i didnt hurt her and according to her i certainly didnt push her into someone else.she spoke to me, about how awful she feels, she feels great shame i feel, for her past and witht his guy keeps making her feel bad, calling her telling her about al this pain and awful stuff and how shes an awful person who deserves nothing.he had and still has a weird hold over her, he tells her hell never be with anyone else etc she told me she hasnt felt happiness[i told her i want to give you the biggest hug int he world n take you somewere warm n sunny][i also keep telling her how great and how amazing she is-altho i do always say this to her] she expressed to me she is terrified of being involved with another man, the fear of not deserving and a really big fear of letting people down,she feels all she ever does and has doen is just hurt people all the time [i didnt want to tell her what shes doing to me now is breaking my heart-again] she is terrified of being involved, of a relationship and i did the worst ting telling how how much i love her, suggested i would ask her to marry me etc [we had flirted with this idea before] and would we ever have a chance!!!obv given her fear of being involved this was the worst thign to say!i feel so silly. i told her i was scared i pushed her away, sorry i hurt her i did love her etc and i just feel so awful for her that she feels so bad about herself. shes talked about seeing proffessional help, and ive even got some info stuff for her but im nto sure if i should send it for fear of pushing it in her face. anyway i did send her some flowers yesterday with a note saying how special she is and how beutiful and amazing she is in all sorts of ways. she told me she lvoed me so much and it was all so "pure and beutiful"i really dont know if shes actually feeling this way, or if she really is playing me along as shes with someone else because i left it too long to be close with her and showed her i didnt want to. or maybe she is with someone but is scared of hurting me. either way i love this person so much and i really want to be with her, but my priority is just wanting to help her through and do good for her, not act as an extra burden she needs to deal with. what can i say to her ,hwo can i say it. ive said too much to her already but i wna express i jus wna make her happy, i care for her i just want to help her etc. but at the same time i gta know if shes just leading me on.i must admit i dont know if i believe this, she does have a promiscuos history but she feels awful for this, or pretends to be very well ,so i dotn see her telling me how deeply she loves me and has done for so long to then throw herself onto someone else. i just dont knwo what to think or what to do i love her too much and i jus duno what to do or say or think. any kind of anything from anyone would be so much help to me.thank you
View related questions:
cheated on me, flirt, flowers, her past, unloved Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, benjamin_1985 +, writes (10 August 2007):
benjamin_1985 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmany thanx i appreciate it. i so hope she hasnt moved on so quickly. how could she, she told me i didnt push her away to someone else she is scared of another relationship,told me she loved me. whyd oes she still show care and love for me?maybe its just i didnt give her the love she was after and found someone else to.this bothers me so much i missed my chance with her and just showed her im just not what she wanted,she said she loved me so much ,the thigns she said where so deep.weve known each toher so long now would she really throw that alla away so quick?
|
