A
male
age
36-40,
*uddha
writes:Hello everybody! I am in a big love pickle at the moment and would greatly appreciate if someone could offer advice to me. :( I REALLY need it :(Ok so I'll start from the beginning:I met this girl at a friends birthday party in june of this year. We hit it off really well immediately! talking joking etc. day or two after the party she adds me on f.b we get chatting exchange numbers so we start texting/calling. I made the first move and kissed her at a gig we were both at. it was great! we met up alot going cinema staying over in her house numerous times(cause my house is too awkward to get to)we had brilliant sex numerous times so at this stage things are going really good and we arent seeing anyone else but were not offical...but definitely on the serious side. We both agreed on that. About 2 months or more into it I asked her what she thought of our relationship and her thoughts on us. she said she was really happy with us and didnt want to see anyone else. BUT..she was not keen on the idea of getting serious on account of her last boyfriend cheated on her about two or 3 months before meeting me. And also she has alot of exams and work with it being her last year in college. I thought I would be ok hearing that answer but on the inside I was hurt. We continued seeing each other after this talk for another while going on dates etc. etc. As time went on I grew more and more irritated by the fact we were basically leading nowhere when I was crazy about her.I started another talk about us again to recap her thoughts more up to date but still same answer. So I took it upon myself to end things on the basis I was becoming too attached to her and the idea I could be very hurt. She was upset with the idea of us not seeing each other anymore and said "time is just not on our side :( very bad timing". A few weeks passed without us talking(the odd text or page suggestion on f.b etc)in that time my birthday had passed and on the night I got drunk and kissed 2 girls(meaningless stuff)Until about two weeks ago we had a long text conversation which was initiated by a comment I left on her f.b wall (basically saying 'Snow! x :)') she text the next night saying 'snow ay? ;) x' and it went from there with how are you hows college,her saying she has to give me my bday present etc. but no mention of our relationship. I had decided that I would give her and her 3 housemates small xmas gifts to show my appreciation for letting me stay over in their college house with them.It was by no means a way just to see my girl. I did get on v.well with her mates so I didnt see it as a silly move. On the Morning of the day to give her the presents I text to say I would be over for flying visit(It was snowing very heavy so traffic was very slow)I got the presents and made my way over to hers. I rang on the way over to ask directions again. She was very nice on the phone to me. She asked was I actually coming over or was I joking I said yes i was but only for flying visit. She immediately said she was uncomfortable with the idea of me coming over because she thought i was not being serious considering the weather etc. and it came as a shock to her and gave her an uneasy feeling(perhaps she isnt over me yet) I said ok I wouldnt visit and would drop them over another time. Next night i just asked her really quick was there a reason she didnt want to see me she replied she couldnt explain but felt very uncomfortable about seeing me unexpectedly considering she hasnt seen me in weeks. I asked so you dont want to be friends' she said she was not saying she didnt want that just the day before made her feel very awkward and how i was unclear in my text about coming over.What is bothering me is the fact I miss her and always think about her and what might happen. We havent spoken in about a week. Having her as my friend on f.b doesnt help but I dont think deleting her will help the situation. I understand her reasons for not taking us to the next level of relationship because I would feel the same. I know I need to come across as the guy she is missing out on now. She wont be finished her final year until around may/june 2011 so how can I go about keeping her interest in me at high levels without being in her face? taking into consideration she might be moving away next year to work aswell. I have deleted her phone number which has stopped me texting or calling. I believe staying silent and giving her time is a good option right now for few weeks. Im considering sending merry christmas facebook message and best of luck in exams message next year. I know I cant force her into relationship now under the circumstances but Im afraid she will move on from me if i dont keep within her radar so to speak. I really do like this girl alot.So what to do??...cut my loses and move on altogeher? Or try woo her back after she is out of college and has forgotten about her cheating ex?? suggestions please.Ok! so there's my story haha a bit long I know. Thanks for reading it! any help greatly appreciated. (Peace)
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male
reader, FreshPrince  +, writes (9 December 2010):
Ya got a tricky one on your hands here man. I can see where shes coming from in terms of her previous relationship experience affecting her trust in guys. But her problems shouldnt really become your problems. What ever you guys had before you finished it, must have meant something to her. She cant have gone along with it if she thought it was going nowhere.
I think she should face facts and get over the fact that her ex cheated on her. Its adding insult to injury that she would assume you would do the same. Whos to say she hasnt done the same herself before and her ex didnt find out. dont get me wrong im sure this girl is gold if you care about her that much. It just seems like shes not giving you a chance.
The fact youd even leave your house in this snow to see her should mean a lot to her. She may not have wanted you in her house to keep you from her friends. I know it sounds silly, but from experience,if you get on her friends good sides, and you guys fall out, they start sticking up for you when she goes to them looking for someone to moan to about you. When this is the case, shell try keep you guys apart. Shell want her friends on her side. Only an idea,not sayin its true man. happened me and i got accused of turning her mates against her. Fact was, she was a bitch.
I dont recommend you move on. i think this girl may be worth the wait. she sounds like it. love doesnt come easy, an a strong relationship comes from overcoming troubles. if it was easy, it wouldnt be worth anything. If something is hardwork, or takes alot of man hours its worth a whole lot more.
I think she may have felt a little let down that you finished whatever you guys had going on. But she was wrong to take so long holding out on you. She expected you to wait more by the sounds of it. But man, you could have wait forever, she needs to get over her trust issue head on. That often meant putting her trust elsewhere.
I say give it a go. Be honest, and what ever you say, say it proud and expect to hear the worst. Dont be too pushy. look to easy and shell walk all over ya. Controll the conversation. Let her know what you want and that youve waited but are sick of it. Honestly is the best medicine.
I genuinely hope this works out for ya lad. Be nice to see it get off the ground.
Best wishes!
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