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male
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anonymous
writes: My partner and I have been together for a year and a half mostly long distance. I have finally moved and got a place close to her. The problem I have is that she is back and forth. She lives with her parents (she is 48) and her mother has alzeimers and was recently put in a nursing home because of a stroke. Her father is perfectly able bodied. My question is, while we dated we only had time sometimes during the day that were always interrupted with having to care for her mother. Now that her mother is in a nursing home she is either there most of the time or at her fathers where she lives cooking, and cleaning and taking him back and forth to the nursing home. Basically she plays a wife role with her father. Now that I am living around the corner she goes back and forth constantly and in between her working, I get a small piece of the relationship because she always has to go back and forth. She says that she is back and forth because we dont live together. I think that she is in denial. I told her that we cannot live together because she will continue the same thing going back and forth. Its like she is managing to lives, two households. I told her in the very beginning of our relationship that this was not the kind of relationship that I wanted. Because I wanted someone who was there for me 100 emotionally. Then she brings her father into the picture and it makes me uncomfortable because she makes me feel that I am coming between her and her father. I am 35 years old and independant. I love her family and all but it is hard when she cooks, cleans, transports, shops, and all for her father and wants a relationship with me in my household. I have been thinking of ending the relationship. HELP! Signed Sad in brag town
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (4 December 2006):
 Hi there,
Would have loved to know if she has other siblings as well who can help her.
Perhaps another angle u can look at is that she might be having problems managing her time and the activities properly. Caring for her dad and mum isnt easy but if she plans her time propely she can have more than enough time to spend on you as well. This might be a better suggestion and she can even think of cutting down some activities or getting someone else to help out if she can afford to. It will be better this way becos it wouldnt be fair for me to suggest that she completely stops caring for her family and i know u dont want that too.
Also looking at bigger picture u have found a woman who is caring and good nature. If she can do that for her parents she will most likey do much more for you.
Do think about it and give this a try. Dont just give up yet.
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