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female
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anonymous
writes: my dad owns a music store, and over a year ago he hired a teacher who was a month younger than me (im 21 now). her and i became good friends, but LONG LONG LONG story short, i found out that this time last year they started an affair. he made it seem like he was leaving my stepmother for me and my brother and sister (another long story, but shes controlling and not a very good person) , but it turns out it all had to do with the girl. i no longer see her, but she still works at his store. my dad claimed he ended it, but i still have proof that he didnt. im pretty much at a standstill, im in school and just trying to get that done with, and basically i've been kind of ignoring the problem. my dad stayed with my stepmom since we kind of ruined his plans. he wanted to move out and have me live with him, and he said i could have my best friend (and the other girl he was seeing) over anytime, etc. but now hes just with my stepmom still. im really not sure what to do anymore. its bothering me, and i think i'll see a therapist about it, but i just thought i'd ask some opinions, if anyone has any. thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2006): In a situation like this, it's natural to become embroiled in someone else's problems: but you need to see that about 99% of what you just talked about is indeed your DAD's personal problems, and have little to do with you (that you can affect, at any rate). It may seem counterintuitive, but you are mostly a bystander in this situation, and unless your Dad asks for your support in some way, all you can do is let him resolve this his way. Your decision to get counselling is a good one, because you will indeed feel the cascading effect of what's going on, but like I said before, you are not a force of change in this situation. Brace yourself for what comes next but recognize that your Dad and stepmom will be doing most of the emotional labour.
Good luck.
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