A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’m getting married in a few months, and my sex drive has flat-lined. I always thought I had a very high sex drive, but now I’m starting to worry. I’ve been with my girl for about a year and a half now. Things have been going great, we used to make love pretty much twice a day up until now. Now I come home from work and I’m more interested in vacuuming the floor or doing laundry than having sex. Things have been really stressful at work, but shouldn’t sex be a source of stress relief. Now I’m so worried that my partner is going to be offended if I refuse her advances that the sex itself has become another source of stress. My fiancé is starting to get worried that I’m losing my passion for her. She’s doing everything to get me to snap out of this funk I’m in. She’s been keeping the house extra clean, leaving me adorable little love notes for me, and even going to the gym to lose weight in hopes that I’ll come on to her more. Iwant to please her but I just can’t get turned on lately, and for a guy, its kind of difficult to fake being turned on. I love her, but when she takes off her clothes I just don’t get excited like I used to! What’s going on with me? I know everything works because the other night I had a few beers in me and I we had sex just fine. I just don’t want to be the husband that has to get drunk to make love to his wife!Is it just stress? Has anyone gone through this and gotten their mojo back with their spouse?
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (20 April 2009):
 Talk to her about all that you are going through, and that, even though you see her as desirable, you just don't feel like sex lately.
Hopefully she will be understanding. Just be fair-if she ever gets this way be as understanding to her as you want her to be to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): some other questions spring to mind:
How long were you going out before you got engaged? Are you attracted to other women? do you look at porn? Do you Love her?
I agree with your own conclusion. (note I am no Medic - this is just advice)Its Stress.
I think you have cold feet and that this manifesting as an an attack on your libido. i think you are being harsh on yourself. I think its just nerves and confidence - this will go as you realise something important;
You have chosen this woman above all others and she has chosen you above all other men on the planet - be very happy.
Talk to her. (honeygirl is right) this is no way to start.
tell her you love her and tell her what you liked about her most, think of all the sex you have had. tell her you need her help to get over it. (which you will) - try all the things you find sexy or erotic if these fail then go and ask for help from a counsellor. (more people go to these than you realise)
- of course the alternative is you do nothing and...not a good conclusion....so talk to her. Tell her what you find sexy.
hope that helps.
Star.x.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (20 April 2009):
 You need to talk to your fiancee, she needs to know how you are feeling. If you dont talk to her she is going to think that she is no longer desirable and things might start going downhill from there. Communication is very important and since you are preparing to start a life together, start practising by telling her exactly how you feel.
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