A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I separated from my husband not even a month ago and we are getting a divorce shortly when we can afford it. Well I met a guy that went through a divorce himself and has been single for awhile. He's not a huge step up from my ex husband but better in many ways. So since I'm not technically divorced I don't feel I should hold his hand,cuddle,or kiss. He wants all that though. I don't plan on going back to my ex and since I'm not giving this guy affection he thinks I'm lieing about how I feel about going back to my ex. I think I should feel comfortable with my own pace of moving forward. Everyone has there different ways and I thought if I get to know this guy and how he is then once the divorce is done i would give him a chance. Plus I don't know how that works with if you separate and awaiting a divorce and you kiss someone else isn't that kind of cheating, since your technically married? Even if it's "just a paper". I am a huge follower and I do alot of what people think cause I care but in life every time I did what I thought and listened to myself it always pissed someone off. So I never listened to myself. So in this case I don't want to give this new guy affection till I go in for the divorce with my ex. I would like to take it alittle slow with the trasaction and I want to feel comfortable doing so.... Is that wrong? Plus above I asked how that works with people. Is it different with everyone. Even if it's a piece of paper is it wrong?For me also I would rather get to know a person b4 dating them so far in and relizing they're no good. I don't want to get hurt. I'd rather not jump into another relationship so fast. What's wrong with getting to know someone in the time while I'm separated from my ex then when me and my ex go in for divorce then I can be more affectionet...?
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (4 August 2009):
 It's not wrong for you to take it slow. And honestly, if he gets pissed off that is HIS problem and shows that he is not really the guy for you. You've only been separated for a month, that is not a long time at all.
You know, listening to yourself can be hard sometimes. Lots of people want to impose their thoughts and judgments on you and want you to go along with what they want you to be. That never ends up working though; you end up frustrated that you can't be yourself and the other person/people get angry too, and that always ends up a lose/lose situation. Also, if you have spent your whole life listening to others it's hard to find your own voice. Once you start listening to it though, it will get louder and louder.
I think you should be patient with yourself and do what feels right to you. Take time to get to know yourself and what you want. Meditation may help you too.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (3 August 2009):
 Marriage is more than just a piece of paper. The problem we face is people having that exact viewpoint - that marriage is only a piece of paper. Marriage is a sacred and highly regarded connection between two people who love each other. The piece of paper is just merely a legally binding contract.
So, should you decide to move on and your husband decides to be really mean, he COULD take you to court for infidelity - putting all the laws on his side. This would put you at a great disadvantage should there be issues over marital property such as finances, homes, cars, children, etc. In many cases, the person who did the "cheating" is the one who gets punished. So if you really like this guy, you had better wait until your divorce is final before moving forward.
And please, don't get remarried unless you are sure about the love you have for that person. Marriage is not a game to be played - nor should it be entered into lightly. Marriage takes hard work to make it work - it's not easy. Even the most successful marriages had some really hard and dark times. But what got them through is their deep love for each other and the vows that were important to them. A lot of marriages don't fail because the two people stopped caring or loving each, the marriage failed because they stopped trying.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, mrshamilton  +, writes (3 August 2009):
 well i suppose it depends whether it gonna take long(e.g. 2 months/2 years?)personally i feel marriage is just a excuse for a big party and means nothing evun tho i believe in god i dnt think it changes owt so i wud carry on datin!!
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