A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a 5 year old who will be 6 in August and I recently noticed when putting her to bed that her hands smelt like they were near her "Daisy" or vagina. I asked her aboút it and she became stiff, so I told her that IF she was going to do that she needs to do it in private and wásh her hands after. I felt WRONG about basically saying it was okay even though chíldren do explore their bodies and should not be shamed for it. So, what would you do?
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (1 August 2010):
Yeah, the vast majority of parents have a tough time talking to their kids about sexual topics. It's particularly tough when the message you want to send, even though you truly believe it, is different from what you did, or were taught as a kid.
I'll join the consensus and assure you that your basic approach was great, though the "codewords" aren't a good idea for the long term. At that age she should probably have a basic, though vague, idea of how animal reproduction happens and generally accepted anatomical terms.
(When my wife & I informed our 5-yr old daughter that my wife was pregnant, it was satisfying, but still rather embarrassing, to hear her reply "Really?? You mean you have already mated?". I don't think we ever specifically mentioned masturbation to her, but as a pre-teen there was sometimes a stuffed toy animal held against her pubic area when we awoke her in the morning.)
What do YOU (and, your husband) really feel about masturbation? In a few years, will you be telling her something like:
" Mary, it's OK if you want to pleasure yourself with masturbation. There are some physical and psychological benefits to it, and you can learn things about yourself that will be useful in adult lovemaking. But it's really a very personal, private thing and you should treat it that way. Your Dad and I aren't comfortable with it, but you have our permission."
Or will it more likely be:
"Mary, I'm glad that you've learned about your body and how it works. You're becoming a wonderful adult lady, and it's important for you to understand what that means. Your sexuality, and sexual pleasure, is a very special gift that needs to be shared with your husband. I know it can feel very nice to touch your personal areas, but it's not a good thing to do. You may not understand this, but it'll be better in the future if you don't do this."
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (1 August 2010):
 No problem :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You all for your feed back, I feel MUCH better. Also, I have went over the clincal word vagina with her. She understands that it is her vagina and my sons know they have penis', but when around an opposite sex family member we use the term "daisy" for the girls and "twig and berries" (I know, horrible lol) for the boys, it is almost like our code names. But anyway, thank you all so much.
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A
female
reader, LyricStorm +, writes (1 August 2010):
 You did a good job!!!
I do believe however that you should go deeper in to the convo with your baby girl. Dont be afraid or asham to ask her questions and give her answers cause that mey be what she needs to understand what is going on with her body.
You do not want her to look to tv or other children for help cause that can lead her to the wrong direction.. Talk with your little beauty and help her understand what is going on. You never know what her body is experiencing even at a young age so just educate her alittle instead of only instructing her:
hope this helped
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (1 August 2010):
I've never heard the term "daisy" as a euphemism for "vagina." You did the right thing. If you had told her that it was wrong or bad, then that could have instilled some unhealthy ideas or feelings, such as guilt. You handled it well. Just one thing, you should use the clinical term... there's nothing wrong with saying "vagina."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): I think you have said enough for now...you handled it in a good way. Just wait until she hits puberty... :) consider this pre-teen training.. mal
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): I'd say you did the right thing. Advising her that it's a private thing and requires cleanliness was the best thing to do; telling her that it's overly inappropriate to do at all might affect her when she's an adult.
Good job, Mom!
The only thing I'd do differently is to stop using "cute" words for body parts. If she were to be molested or raped, heaven forbid, and she told the police someone touched her "daisy," they might not immediately understand the severity of what happened. This is advice I picked up from literature about childhood safety, although I can't directly site the exact book.
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