A
male
age
,
*TEFAN
writes:I have been unhappily married as I said in my last e mail I have been seeing someone else and this is a copy of the letter I have written to her. Please could you suggest what i should do next.Dear Lisa Just writing to you as I do need someone to speak to and you are my closest friend. I do hope that you had a happy time at the barbecue and it’s a pity I was not there but maybe the next time? It’s just you probably know what I'm going to write about my marriage and how its causing me so much stress-this had been going on ever since we met and I don’t want to bother you but I feel I have none else to talk to. Yet as you have said I cannot go on like this. I need to do something now. I know I hide the problem by spending as little time as I can at home, by drinking and living in my fantasy country on the Internet and getting involved compulsively in all sorts of activities like the Church. Things really went bad this morning when I took the time off for a survey of my house to be done to see how much it’s worth. I have been trying to put the house right and this morning I painted the back door. She got up in a terrible temper in one of her periods and complained about the paint spilt on the bathroom floor as if I did this deliberately. She stared to tell me to wash my ‘stinking mouth’ as she gets into a terrible state about mess and dirt as if it’s such an obsession. I’m in a no win situation –if I do nothing about the house I’m in trouble and I’m in trouble if I do! She then told me to go put and buy some chicken burger for her after insulting me. This is what I can’t stand that she’s such an invalid so dependent on me, refuses to work and is incapable of doing anything for herself sat all even walking to the shops during the day that would at least get her out of the house and give her some exercise! I realise I have made a very serious mistake and I have to pay for it. I have married someone I have absolutely nothing in common with educationally or in any other ways. I could not have made a worse mistake if I tried .I do miss you so much when we are apart and really wished I had met you before! I have now decided on a strategy to get out of this mess. I have decided to see a solicitor and have contacted one on the Internet. Perhaps we could meet before I go or you could come with me. I will then write to her sister in Trinidad to see if she will put her up as I am worried how she is going to cope on her own. I will then sell the house clearing my debts and getting rid of her at the same time. I can then move on to the other problem my job taking early retirement and then doing what I enjoy as I am only working to pay my debts. With the proceeds of the sale we could move into rented accommodation for the time being before we might move to South Africa. I know you have heard all this before and don’t want to bother you. Also I know that you have been through an abusive marriage beforehand managed to escape from it-in some ways it was easier for you as you had a family whereas my parents are dead. Please though could you help me and hold me to this strategy! Hope we can discuss this when we meet this weekend as I look forward to seeing you again. Love Stephen
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2007): You only get one life - and dont get to do any day again - so do wot u do for U. A word of caution however, ask yourself if you will still go down this route if the other lady decides u are not for her.If that wud hange ur mind - be careful becos altho u mite end up with her happy - it takes 2 and u cant be certain of her commitment.Basically make sure this is the rite thing for U - even if it means u are goin it alone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2007): im absolutely disgusted in you firstly you cheat on your wife that as you so eloquentley described as lazy then as your continuing your thinking of another woman whilst your in church. how low do you sink
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (8 May 2007):
 Well it certainly sounds like a plan to me. What if your wife doesn't want a divorce and won't leave the house? Does she get half of the proceeds from the sale? She may be cantankerous enough to throw a monkey wrench into your plans. Make sure you discuss all your opions with the lawyer. And by the way I wouldn't be seeing your lady friend until the dust settles or that also may come back and bite you in the rear, adultery you know.
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