A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 37, he is 38. We have been together for a little over a year, living together for 7 months. We are discussing getting engaged, and I am currently at a point where I am not sure about that. I have had a difficult time with this relationship on and off, and my confusion comes from whether or not the uncertainty comes from dealing with my long held onto illusions about love, or if it's just not right and I'm not dealing with that. In reality, the times I have felt what I think a person "should" feel when "in love" happened when I was in my teens, or after a good one night stand. Granted, that seems unhealthy and I get that. However, how do I look at this then and not expect those types of feelings? What am I holding out for? He does everything he can for me, has addressed issues and worked on them, makes compromises, but he also is SUPER FREAKING HYPER and a bit needy at times. He also has shown a side of himself that causes me a bit of fear. Not in the "he's going to hit me" way, but in a "I don't know why he's handling this situation like this and it's scaring me!".any thoughts?
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female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (19 March 2009):
 I don't think people should get married if they have even a shread of doubt. Sounds like you are not happy with certain things about him that he wouldnt, shouldnt and couldnt change. If you marry him, you spend your entire marriage trying to fix or change these things. That isnt healthy. I'm not saying the things you arent happy with are valid, they are, and thats the problem. I am a believer that there is someone out there for everyone, but few know it because the others settle for the "next best thing". My advice? Listen to your gut, it speaks for a reason.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): I grew up with fantasies of being in love that No One could live up to. I can tell you this much though...I knew I was in love, when I couldn't wait to see him again, and everytime I did see him my heart would race a little. When he touched me I would get butterflies in my stomach, and when I put his needs before my own! I could probably go on and on, but you get the picture. If you are not sure, then take the time to be sure (one way or the other)
There is no "Happily Ever After," it's about working together, through the good and the bad. And sadly, sometimes things change. But life is a series of risk taking and decision making!
He sounds like a guy who is willing to work towards achieving happiness with you. Think it all through. Only you can make that decision!
I wish you luck!
Britt
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): strange I feel like I wrote this myself.....I am in the same position as you....we have been together for the same amount of time. I am 36 he is 37.
We are talking about getting engaged and I have fears too.......
I am sorry I don't have any answers for you but I will be watching your post as I am sitting right next to you in the same boat.....
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