A
female
age
30-35,
*ezzo_soprano_reader
writes:So I have a crush on a teacher of mine. I'm in high school, and I know nothing could ever happen--or at least, the REALITY of the situation tells me that. He's not so much older than me (there's only a six year difference), and he's actually quite young in his own right. So many people think that's he not a day over seventeen, and a lot of people mistake me for being in the twenties. He actually has my dream job, and I really have this fantastical dream that when I graduate from college and apply for a position at my school, we'll be able to have something together. I mean, is it as plausible as I'm making it sound?He does care for me as a student, and he says I'm a good friend. Yes, I'm one of those students who talks to her teachers each and every day as much as possible to strike up a conversation and buy her teachers presents on occasions. I also have an Asian background, so respect for teachers is usually a prerequisite.This keeps eating away at me! I mean, it's gotten to the point that when he tells me he loves me (in every way other than the romantic context), I grow weak and I can't stop but stare at his smile and laugh. Even though he is VERY attractive physically, what puts me over is his personality. He confirmed that he was a geek/nerd/whatever you want to call it when he was in high school, and if he were my age again, we'd probably be best friends.Some of the other girls probably have realized how much I care about him and the other teacher of the course (but that teacher reminds me of my older brothers; same age range as well), because all I ever do is talk to them other than anyone my own age.I just don't know what to do; I am usually stable in these type of situations, but one day, if I'm not careful, some things could be said...
View related questions:
best friend, crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mezzo_soprano_reader +, writes (16 December 2009):
mezzo_soprano_reader is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your reply. I mean, I know I definitely seem very passionate and rather 'caught up' in my infatuation with him. And of course I've always wanted to be a teacher and being a music teacher would just make my life. I decided way before I even met him that I would return to my school and teach (pretty much around the time my other two teachers would retire; didn't realize they would leave this year and that's where he came in).
Of course I'm not willing to ruin anyone's life. Other people matter more to me than my own selfish desires, so... I'm okay with admiring him as a teacher. He just has always given me the impression that if he WERE my age, we would be good, but he's not so I'm not going to do anything to ruin our relationship as a student and teacher. Because I do understand the bad things that would occur if he ever returned my feelings or even if I tell him how I feel. As far as he knows, he and my other teacher are my best friends--they really are ever since my actual best friends graduated last year.
And he's fine with that. And as long as he's okay with it, I'm okay. I just need to be reminded once in awhile to come back down to earth.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): Well, I think the immediate problem here is actually that you're still in high school, so you're likely underage. If you tell him how you feel now, weather he likes you or not, it could become very dangerous for him. In the worst case scenario, you may never be be allowed to see each other ever again. Your parents might think an older man is trying to take advantage of you &, as soon as it gets around to the teachers or your parents complain, he could get FIRED from his job. Your decisions could get him in a lot of trouble & he could be listed as a pedophile for the rest of his life. It may even put him through so much that any feelings he had for you disappear & he ends up HATING you.
Of course, there is a chance that he may like you & is trying to hide it himself, but it slips out in ways he doesn't want it to. (That may be things like those little "I love you"s that seem to be more parental than loving.) But there's also a terribly high chance that he really only sees you as a wonderful student.
As far as your Asian background, I know that respect is very import in East Asian cultures (I actually love Japan & plan to study Japanese in college & go to live in Japan someday) but I doubt it means anything in this case. I get along with teachers better than students but I don't like any of my teachers. We even have a cute new teacher who's only in his early 20's & I don't have romantic feelings for him.
In America we have a pretty long history of older men going out with younger women, so when you get past the illegal age it won't really be such a problem and in the long run 6 years doesn't matter much. (I mean, my father's 16 years older than my mother, so yeah....)
Because you like him you will probably fantasize having a life with him no matter what you do. It would probably be good if you tried to find someone else because his current level of experience is so different from yours that it may be hard to really have a future with him. And it may be that you he's really just a huge crush or that you get out of school, get a job with him, get to go out with him, & find out after 5 years that you don't love him anymore. (I don't suggest getting the job with him unless you're truly SURE that it's your dream job & you TRULY would enjoy it even if you hated everyone you worked with
This is as short as I can make it: Don't ruin HIS life over this and don't ruin YOUR life over this. Remember, no matter what you do, successful love is a 50 50 chance. Tell him if you really believe you love him, you think it's/he's worth the risk, and you're willing to deal with any possible consequences.
And I hope your overall decision makes you happy!
(
)
(
...............................
|
