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female
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anonymous
writes: I got dumped, and now I want revenge, problem is he is in another part of town and I cant go and flaunt my stuff, I want him to hurt real bad and I want him to feel guilty for hurting me. I wish he could come back and say he wants me so I can play around with his feelings at mess him around.Good Idea or not?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (7 June 2006):
 No, not a good idea.
In fact, it's a really petulant and childish response, not a reaction by a thinking adult, and while I'm not saying your feelings of anger aren't real (they are), you'll find that you get over them fairly quickly if you just admit that what's really wrong is that you're hurt.
The pain of loss will leave you and you'll get over the hurt. What you might NOT get over is the fallout from your actions, should you go ahead and do something stupid for "revenge".
And anyway, "revenge" on what? That it didn't work out between you? That he didn't love you as much as you wanted him to, or for as long? That's not the sort of thing a person can control, so it's not exactly like he made a conscious descision to Not Love You, is it? Give the guy (and yourself) a break. Relationships fail all the time. That goes along with dating.
Instead of acting angry and shrewish, let yourself feel the pain -- which is what this is really about. Because you're afraid to feel hurt, you've turned the emotion into anger and directed it at him instead. Now recognise the pain for what it is: disappointment and fear. Acknowledge that this is part of dating and that your response is normal. Do things to make yourself feel better about being hurt.
Once you start to deal with your pain and fear, you'll find that you're emotionally more healthy, and at least as important, your desire for "revenge" will disappear.
Good luck and take care.
A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (7 June 2006):
 hey there
Sweetie you really need to calm down a little give yourself time to get over that bitterness and revenge that we all wanna do at one time cause you will on;ly get a small high and its only temp so its really not worth the hassle you will probably come out of it hurting the most any how rise above it sweetie don't boost his ego any more your better than that, life is to short to play silly games by you getting on with your life and moving on forgetting him completely will hurt him more thanany revenge plans you have cause he'll just think he couldn't of ment that much to you as you got over him so quickly trust me that will hurt him and kick his ego at the same time....
i hope my advice was able to help you out a little, good luck sweetie... if you ever need a friend or a chat or just more advise or a sounding board don't hesitate to email me ok sweetie i'm always here for you ok
You Take Care Sweetie X
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A
male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (7 June 2006):
 The only person you are going to hurt is yourself.The thing that will hurt him most is when he can see that you dont care and are moving on with your life without him.Forget about revenge, it is never sweet.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (7 June 2006):
 I'd say don't bother with all that. It doesn't show you're over him and that he's lost out, quite the opposite in fact. It shows him you're immature and definitely not over him . . . so in effect, you're feeding his ego still!!!
The best thing to do is just forget about this and ignore him. One day, you will bump into each other, a pure coincidence, and then he'll see what he's lost out on. Doing something childish only shows him he made the right decision in dumping you in the first place, he's hardly going to think "well there's a nice girl, I wish I'd kept hold of her!"
I know it's hard and he has hurt you but you will get over this. It's not as if he cheated (you didn't mention that anyway) so he has a right to end the relationship if he wants. You need to hold you head up high and find someone new and better than him. You don't need to resort to childish games like some girls would.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): Whooooaaa!!! You have some serious anger pent up there - don't worry - I've felt it too, as have many others - but I really wouldnt try and seek revenge so soon. After all, its going to give you a temporary kick, but after that what good will it do you?Give yourself a cooling off period of at least a month. Your emotions are scattered at the moment, revenge is a natural reaction to the pain caused, but if I were you I would re-assess in a months time - the likely hood is you won't care for revenge much anymore.
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