| A
male
,
*ki
writes: Hi everyone,One week ago all hell broke loose for me and my life. My, now ex, fiance drank a bit to much on friends birthday party and cheated on me. It was nothing to big (she kissed a guy) becouse they ware in the dark (for full 3 mins) and when she spoked my name he came to her (idioticly we HAVE the same name). The only real problem was that I ware not at that party, but knowing her and how alchochol efect her she had a trip that I ware there (thats first party we have not attended together since January). Naturaly, in the morning, she told me what happend. Well, at first I said that its OK, since we ware 4 years together and one little kiss could not disturb my feelings for her (in fact I love her more than ever becouse she told me the truth, and one of my school friends saw what happend, oh and my ex fiance don't know that he's my school friend). Then everything im my life broke down. Night after she went to spend a night with female friend that needed support (family problems, I heard of 'em). When she finally got home (it was probably around 5 in the morning, the lenght of her's sleep proves it) insdead of calling me, like we allways do if we are not together for the night (we dont live together) she went to sleep. I waited, awake, from 9 PM till 12 AM the next day and finaly called her. She said that she needed to sleep and when I asked her when she came home, hers response was 1 AM. Well I know that it cant be true becouse she don't drive and there ware no way to come back from her female friend at that time (no buses or taxis or whatever). That day and the next day, she called me once or twice (can't remeber, I was schooked by that little lie, first since I met her) and usualy we hear each other at least three to five times a day! (that was hers wish and I didn't complain, I enjoyed it in fact). Finally in the evening (it was 3rd buisness day in week) She went again to hers female friend (people saw her, and I curse them for letting me know, I felt like I spied on her!?). Again in the morning, around 4 AM I called her on her cellfone (well actualy I called her whole night to say her that I love her and that I need some sleep, but she was unavailable, and its OK since it happens in that part of town, very frequntley) She picked up the line and said something kinda "why did you call me 20 or so times" and similar things, probably not realizing that we didn't saw each other since she cheated on me, and I needed to see her, hug her and tell her that I love her. Later (around 5 AM) she called me and we argued about her spending second night in week with her friend an not comming to my place as we agreed week before. She said that she is mad at me and that I deeply hurted her for bringing the cheating part (as in "since you cheated on me you havn't found a slightes need to see me?"). Since I have not slept from sunday-monday night (night of that cursed party) I allmost fainted and got hit by a car (idiotic, allthroug nothing serious, It was pritty painful). Naturaly I have not sed that to her (didn't want to upset her, she should be having exams) Now I was realy mad and I started my jolousy engine (yes car acident did what it does best). We spoke over the fone once that day (forth buissnes day in week) and Once in the morning of the 5th buissnes day. She gave me one brief call in the evening to say that she will meet a friend from colege to take some notes (I dont know how to translate my country's school system, so lets say its colege). And then I wait for her for say 15 hours to call me. That was 6th day I have not slept or eaten (silly me) or seen my now ex fiance. When she called me she had some story how she met her female friend from the begginig of the story and how someones sister (to sleepy, didn't get it) got hit by a car and they ended up in emergency (funny that acident wasn't reported in papper, but since Im delusional from lack of sleep... Maybe I missed it, or she found out that I was hit by a car and have not said a word, but its unlikely, very unlikley). Well you can guess. My jelousy engine roared so loud that even I was deafend by its preformance. I probably said a lot of stuff like "who are you cheating me with? Why? What have I done to you?" And similar things. Then she calls again and tells me that she will go to female frends house to sleep (thats fourth night in a week!), oh thats the same one from the rest of this story. I gave her a call around midnight, yust to say Im sorry and similar things but she picked the line and said "Dont call me anymore!". I waited again (no sleep for the whole week, Im dying or dieing or whatever) till three PM nex day (thats 7th day) and I called her. She answerd her fone (home fone) and when I asked her why she didn't call me she said "becouse I didn't feel like" then she dropped the line. I took sam meds and called her again. Tried to tell her that its OK, and whatever happend I love her and the like. After hearing what I said she told me that she wants to brake up with me. The reasons she said are many and she can't take the pressure. First I was shocked, badly, since two weeks ago we vare on vacation together for around ten days, we ware alone and it was grate, the best ten days of my life. Whatever she wanted I tried to give her, was it love, passion, that nice jewlery she likes, and similar. I was so happy and now its all gone. I packed up and went to hers house. She opened the door and looked at me like Im some kind of creep. After few seconds of that painful (for me) look she let me in her house. Her mother was on the fone and waved her hand at me like saying hi (dont know word for it). After I went to my Ex fiances room and tryed to talk with her (and I brought a rose, what a fool I am) she said "please leve before my mom comes to say hi to you" I looked her in the eyes and slowly walked out. She went out with me and said "I know that it is hard for you, and Im sorry bat this is how it must be done". When I asked "Why?" She huged me and I started to cry like an idiot. I was dead inside. Nothing matterd. When I said that I love her she pushed me away and sad "yeah me too...". Thats when I got really drunk. Oh I drank a few painkillers before going to her place (you know that accident still hurts, a lot). I was with my friend (that helped me to come home, walking around 15 km). He kept me from doing a lot of stupid things (no sleep for a week, painkillers and alchochol, mainly beer and wine makes you pritty jumpy). She caled me and asked if we can stay friends and forbiden me to say "I love you" and similar things. That convesation lasted an hour and by the end I sad something like "If you wish us only to be friends, after all that happend betvean us, then dont call me again". She started to cry and I hung up. Half an hour leater I called her and heard that she was still crying. I felt so... so... WRONG. I made her cry! I felt so ashamed and idiotic and add what you want. So I apologiesed (can't spell it corectly) and sad that I want us to be friends, and something kinda "your friendship means me more than anything". She smiled and said thank you. Then she hung up. Two hours later I called her acidentaly (delusions and such, still haven't had chance, or will, to sleep) and she said "We had a deal, please dont call me". Well thats what happend, after four years of perfect relationship. Among other things she said: "We can be together again in a few years or months but if I like someone I want to be with him till then"; "I love you but I want it to end before we start to argue more, and I don't want to hate you"; "I need some space to clear my mind". About her's female friend: thats one cold b.... that tried to make it look like I slept with her (and that didn't happen and never will) few times before but to my luck she woud mess up the dates (weekends that I spent with my fiance, ok Ex fiance) but my Ex fiance still had a lot of contacts with her. I know that I am an Idiot, with capital I, but a love her. I love her more than anything and I would do anything to find a reason for this and if I can I'll give it all, just to be with her again. Even after this hell I love her, I love her more than ever, and I said that to her but she didn't want to listen. What can I do now? (exept sleeping since now I can't, tried to clear my head but I just can't!!!)
View related questions:
cheated on me, drunk, fiance, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (29 August 2006):
 You must get on with your life and sort yourself out. Stop mixing meds with alcohol, it's extremely dangerous and could be having a terrible effect on your health. The fact is, she kissed someone else, whether or not you lover her more for telling you, she cheated on you. You have perhaps reacted far too nicely and let her get away with what is fairly serious. That's a bit too soft. And since then done nothing but peristently phone her. Why would you react in such a way? Why aren't you furious wither her for betraying you and treating you badly? That looks really desperate and she's not worth it. She isn't respecting you or treating you well. Relationships can end for all sorts of reasons, but this isn't the right girl for you. You deserve better. Love is making it harder for you, but you'll definitely come through the other side in time. Keep distance between you both and don't contact her. You have to accept it's over.
|
