A
female
age
30-35,
* R Ghosh
writes:Me and my boyfriend are in a pretty nice and cordial relationship. It has been a long time that we have been together. We both are working and successful. I was a complete nerd throughout my student life and never been in a serious relationship before. Since I hail from India, we both have few issues about family as his working industry is very different than mine. But that never came in the way of our relationship. Since I have never had a serious relationship before I never had been physically close to anybody. He is much more experienced than me in this front. We tried to have sex once with mutual consent but it was not successful as I was petrified about the pain it could cause me. He never pressurises me and says will try next time only when I am ready. I love him with all my heart and he loves me even more.Now the problem is, because of his profession he is bound to get female attention, we even hide our relationship from social networking sites and usually avoid displaying our relationship out in public except for our respective families. This female attention and paparazzi had never bothered me before but few indecent proposals of his colleagues and his constant entertaining them in phonecalls and texts for the sake of "professionalism" of late has started to bother me. Again, I am not that physically attractive as compared to the females he constantly comes in contact with given his work. I never mistrust him or think he can cheat on me being in this relationship.Recently, our relationship has lost that sparkle we had at the beginning, and he says I need to think of something to keep it kindled as he had been trying everyday to adjust to my indifference in keeping myself presentable to the world. I never bother about my skin or figure as previously none of them mattered. Also I have practically no knowledge about the sexual matters of a relationship and he says that he cannot instruct me and make me do things he expects from me as that will be too machinery. He wants things to be spontaneous, and I have no idea how I could keep in engraved in me as just loving each other is not enough to be together. I never want to be away from him and for the sake of this relationship I can do everything possible.Please suggest how I can rekindle the relationship again? I will be obliged.
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (12 May 2016):
 I think that besides the fact that you two haven't made love yet, there are little things that you can do. You can dress up really nice for him one evening and make him dinner and the two of you can eat by candle light. You can introduce sensual massages with some oils or even a nice scented lotion. You can try eating at a restaurant that you haven't tried before or try going to a place that you both haven't been before just to share that as a good memory. You can take a listen at each others taste in music and try to be open to it or you can take up some sort of a new class together in dance or cuisine. You can try a ship cruise. Hopefully your holiday together will be a good and crucial step in your relationship moving forward. Remember to also try to get him involved in giving up some ideas and such. Good luck OP
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 May 2016):
 Light some candles, put on some music, maybe add some sex toys, dress up, dim the lights. But most importantly ask him what he would like you to do and you also can give him ideas what you would like to do. Make sure you do date nights, have a laugh together.
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A
female
reader, S R Ghosh +, writes (11 May 2016):
S R Ghosh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOtherwise intimacy prevails in our relationship. Just that there has been no sex yet. We are planning for a holiday together and hope things are fine. We love each other too much to let go and if I need any help hope I will get more from all of you. Please suggest any other ways I can add spice to this as I have always been a nerdy dork all my life.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (10 May 2016):
The spark may have died because their is no sexual chemistry between you both. It is okay to be worried about sex for the first time, it just means you are not ready, but are you both intimate with each other in different ways? Why not read some books on relationships, check out some sexual books and see if you can learn anything from them.
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