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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello. I am currently recovering from anorexia, and I feel like I have reached a bit of a hurdle.I got to a very low weight and was nearly hospitalized, but I managed to turn things around with the help of my mom and psychologist and get better. I am a lot better than how I was.The problem is my periods. It has been nearly a year and a half since I last had one, and my target goal has been to reach a weight where I get my periods back. Once I start getting periods again, I will know that I have reached a weight where I am healthy and my body is functioning normally.I feel like I am nearly at that weight, because I am getting all of the old signs that I am going to be having a period soon, or like my body is trying to have one. That might sound like a cause for celebration, but I don't actually feel good about it. I'm not sure if I want to be well again.Also, I feel like I have been giving myself permission for things. Like, I have been giving myself permission to eat better, permission not to check labels obsessively, permission to rest more, etc, because of needing to put on weight. When my periods come back, I won't have an excuse anymore, and any weight I put on after that will just be surplus, not really needed. I feel like I will then have to start being really strict with myself again, and make sure I don't put on an extra pound, because therefore I will be greedy.Can anyone help please? Thankyou for reading this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your replies. You are all right, it is more than just about wanting to be thin.
OtherStarfish, you are right that I will probably need to set myself some new goals. Part of me does think that when I get my periods back, what then? Is it over? What will I strive towards then? So I suppose I need to have a think about other things I would like to achieve. And as for the worst part of the anorexia, I think it was when I had constant chest pains and was worried I would have a heart attack. My blood pressure was very low, and my pulse slow, because I had weakened my heart. I definitely don't want to go back to that again.
LazyGuy...I have to admit that you are spot on when you said that part of this is about feeling special, and getting attention. That is part of why I went this far in the first place, so people would notice that I was feeling bad inside. Now people know, and my mom is being really supportive and giving me hugs and stuff. My dad used to ignore me, but now even he talks to me more, because they were both so worried about me.
Part of me thinks that, if I am healthy, they won't care about me anymore. I don't feel strong inside, so I don't want to be strong on the outside either. But I do realise that this is not a good way to get attention, it is actually quite manipulative, and not fair on other people.
Quirklady, I will mention this to my psychologist. She will hopefully have heard it all before from other people, and will be able to help.
Thankyou all for your messages, they are all really helpful. :-)
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 May 2009):
 Anorexia is more then just an obsession with being thin. Part of it is self-hatred, fear of being disliked or fear of being liked while you don't feel you deserve it.
And part of having a disease is feeling special. Feeling you get attention. Without your anorexia, what are you?
You say you are recovering, maybe. A little bit but that hardly says you are cured. You have been convinced that you took your body to far and that one sign of being unhealthy was that your periods stopped. This is correct but you are still doing the same thing. Setting yourself a goal of a body weight based on something else then good health/natural life style.
Just becoming healthy enough for your body to start its cycle again does not mean you are healthy, it just means your body ain't in the last stage before death anymore.
You still have the same problem. Why do you feel eating enough to be fully healthy is being greedy? What are the causes for you starting on anorexia? Have any of them been dealt with.
Why don't you feel starting your periods again is somethign to celebrate as a milestone on your way to recovery?
You are fighting your disease and congrats for that, but you are nowhere near finished with it. Not when you need to give yourself permission to eat without being worried about every calorie.
Have you talked to the people that are helping you about this? People often think that if an anorexic eats, they are cured. Far from it. Like OtherStarfish says, it is almost similar to an addiction. An alcoholic doesn't stop being an alcoholic because they stopped drinking and you don't stop being an anorexic after a eating a light meal you have to force yourself to eat.
Something is stopping you from leading a normal life, something that you makes you want to excersise control over your own life through your weight. If this isn't fixed, then the problem will continue. Congrats for gaining some weight and seeing that you have to eat enough to stop your body from consuming itself and stopping vital functions.
But you still got a long way to go, just hope you remember that the other direction, back to starvation ain't a solution. Keep it up.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (24 May 2009):
 Congrats on your recovery. That is a really strong thing to do.
Have you told your psychologist your feelings about your period? S/he may have some good suggestions for you. Maybe you could not be quite so strict with yourself and give yourself permission to not worry about your weight so much. Perhaps a hobby like dance or knitting will help you redirect your energy.
Good luck with everything. I will be rooting for you! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): i think (and i do know nothing on this subject, so please read with caution) that anorexia must be a kind of addiction. Much in the same way say being an alcoholic is. e.g. they say if you are a recovering alcoholic you have to stay dry - with an anorexic, i think its similar, in that you have to control it.
i think once you have you periods back - you need another goal? what do you want to be? do you want a BF? and don't say you want to be a human xylophone again. why dont you learn how to cook?
i think you are ace to recover so well from this - what was the worst bit? you dont want to go back to that do you?
sorry, not much help, i guess- just some thoughts.
Star.x.
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