A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:If you know your marriage is no longer working is it possible to continue living together, pretending everything's ok and just doing your own thing to make you happy??When do you know enough is enough and it's really not working? I've spent years working on a relationship that just doesn't work and yet I keep trying however the same old problems keep arising.Is it possible to just live with resentment and get on with it or is it better to be on your own? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (24 January 2009):
 MY heart goes out to you as I was in a very similar situation nearly 2 years ago with my partner of 14 years, I kept on and on, and in the end he had an affair and I was upset by the affair but releaved that the relationship which was routine and dead had ended.
It sounds to me like you have made your mind up that the marriage is beyond saving now and im sure you are right, sounds like you have tried and tried and still it does not get better.
You have to work at marriage but not forever, if your problems or differences are just to great then its best to be realistic, honest and tell him its over and you want to break up as amicably as is possible.
Chances are your husband feels the same and its just a cast of each of you waiting for the other to end it. If you go on and on, then you will be living in a nightmare, you will beging to resent your husband and your life, you will feel trapped and it will make you depressed and tired, you will look at ways to row with him, just for a reaction, you will do things on your own, be with your own friends and eventually one of you may have an affair which is wrong.
If you do your own thing, then you are to all intents and purposes living a single life anyhow.
Breaking up is scarrey but sounds like your marriage has become stale, and just comfortable like a pair of slippers, which incidently a lot of people like and it works for them, but maybe it doesnt work for you.
You dont say how long you have been married or if you have children or what the specific issues are.
If you have joined finances or debts then splitting up maybe more difficult and if you have children then you have to think really hard about custody, money etc and maybe you would need to get proffessional help on this.
If you think that there is still a spark and you still love in some way your husband then you could get advice from marriage guidance or your church etc.
Or you could write in here with more detail and we will see if any of us agony aunts have more specific advice on your issues.
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