A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with a guy 6 years younger than me and have been trying for a baby ... 6 days before my periods he stole money from me ...I was pissed off and I just went mute and told him to never speak to me until he has returned the money .... I am at peace with that decision because I can’t stand any person that is sly like that in my life ...we have been dating 5 years ..6 days later I am pregnant ...I am very excited , at peace and I don’t intend to tell him ...Is it the right thing to do? PS: I don’t care about child support ,I just need real honest people in my child’s life and he's not ...I want to hide the baby bump and give birth and raise my child alone
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money, my ex, period, trying for a baby Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2021): I intended to say:
"Okay, I get your high moral standards, but how is hiding his child from him any [better] than his stealing?"
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2021): Did you really just use him as a free sperm-donor? It appears that somehow he got paid!
Okay, I get your high moral standards, but how is hiding his child from him any worse than his stealing? There is deception and misgiving in either case. They just don't seem on the same level of immorality. If he stole from you, you can report that to the police.
It seems as if you want us to make you feel good about dumping the guy conveniently after he got you pregnant.
Hey, it's your womb, and you're the one who has to face whatever consequences that may come along in the future. You'll have to explain what happened to the child's father, he could find out about the pregnancy through a mutual acquaintance, or your own family. Unexpectedly, he might even randomly run into you on the street; and notice you're pregnant. He can do the math.
If you want to raise the baby without his participation; there are legal ways of doing it. If you're taking the moral high-ground; then there's a better way than denying the biological-father his paternal-rights by hiding your pregnancy. He, or the child, may someday make you regret that decision.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 December 2021):
 I can understand how you are feeling, but morally I don't agree.
It takes 2 to make a baby. Half of the baby's DNA is his. You wouldn't HAVE this pregnancy if it wasn't for him. I think he has the right to know. As much as that sucks.
I'm guessing there is more to the story. If you had a 5-year relationship with him but weren't living together? Why were you trying for a baby? I mean, what was the plan?
I'm also guessing that this isn't the first time he has done some skeevy things. That the stealing was the straw that broke the camel's back.
What will you do when your child asks about his/her dad?
I don't know how things work in Canada, but there are a lot of things (like Medicare and other assistance) you can not get without disclosing the father's name.
Personally?
I would contact a lawyer when you are further along and have him draw up a document where the EX-BF gives up his rights to the child. That way LEGALLY it can't come back and bite you in the bum, if he DOES find out you have had HIS child.
I think going the legal route is just the safest for YOU and your child.
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