A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well where do I start?? I've been with my husband for 8 years (married for 2.5 off them). We split up 5 years ago as he had a one night stand, after a few months apart we decided to give it ago but took it very slowly it was 6 months later before we moved back in together. Last Oct we decided to try for a baby we'd been wanting to since we got married but due to redundancies etc we left it until more settled. I fell pregnant Jan 08 which we were both so excited about but unfortunately lost it in the March which devastated both of us more than I think we were prepared to admit at the time. Anyway the year continued nothing but death and separtaion surrounding me and I ended up seeing a counsellor in Aug as very low all the time. I started to feel better and then found out I was pregnant again we were both pleased except this time we were more apprehensive about it, he was very concerned about me all the time which was a nice feeling. Anyway when i was 10 weeks he went on a lads weekend (2 days after our dating scan) and met someone. When he got back he kept texting/emailing her and met up with her a couple of times. I felt that he was being distant and had started going out with his mates more and he denied any change which led to me hating being pregnant as I started to put it down to hormones. After 2 months of this I lost it and checked his email (something i am not very proud of) I found 2 emails from a woman which was 2 love poems.Anyway found out he hadn't slept with her but he REALLY enjoyed her company, didn't know if he loved her, doesn't know if he loves me or wants to be with me anymore. All I've had off him is i'm sorry i'll go see a counsellor as my heads a mess and don't know what i want anymore or why i keep doing this. He left and we didn't speak for over a week. He's called round a couple of times to check i'm ok but we don't get anywhere. He's staying with a friend at the moment.I am 5 months pregnant and hating every second of it as all my energy is going into trying not to go mad. I feel like he has already decided what he wants he's just to gutless to admit it to himself, he has given me NO reason to believe he will ever come back. I must add that he is 100% committed to this child no matter what happens between us.Sorry for the long message but I'm lost and don't know what to do next. Oh I have asked him tonight not to contact me for a bit as it is not helping me and will let him know if he needs to know anything about the baby.Help please
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): To jj6102, sorry to say it didn't resolve itself. He continued to see her whilst "thinking" about what he wanted and I had to get on with everything else. He did have a bit of a meltdown after we had the baby (2months prem - stress apparently so look after yourself) and decided to come back. It lasted a couple of days before I checked his phone (acting weird again) and found texts of her the whole time he was "working" on us. We split after that and are now divorced. It has been a difficult time, but we have always remained friendly for my sons sake. We both agree he is the most important person and this set up should never affect him in a negative way. Being angry at each other is a waste of energy and only ends up eating you up. Not sure if I've forgiven him totally, but I am working on it, life is too short.Sorry to hear you are in a similar situation and being pregnant only makes things more difficult. Make sure you are looking after you and your baby and use your friends and family as support.
A
female
reader, jj6102  +, writes (12 February 2011):
Please Please let me know what happened! I am in this situation and have done the exact same thing in asking him not to contact me anymore. I am 5.5mths.....HELP
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008): Let me start by saying that I am sorry for your situation, that sounds very hard.
You are lucky though that at least this guy is saying he is going to be committed to the child.
It sounds like he has a real committment problem. I think you should trust your gut and go from there. His past and current behavior doesn't sound like someone I would want to commit the rest of my life to, seems just to easy for him to go chasing somebody else.
Keep your head up.
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