A
female
age
,
*atientnkind
writes:For 5 years, I've been with a man, 54yrs, who has treated me like a queen. Always very courteous, has all those "good ol' morals" of our generation. I don't think I would ever find another man like him and I'm not looking. Over these years....the rose colored glasses have certainly come off, at our age (I'm 52) We talked about the "little" arguments and more that we've experienced in previous relationships and agreed what a waste of time, energy, emotions, and the toll it takes so let's not do that! Alright! Deal! The one that perplexes me the most is when he makes mountains out of molehills. Everything is in panic mode, an emergency, spilling a soda is the end of the world to him. I am observing these behavior traits with a lot of confusion and concern. It's severe enough to my worry of a possible heart attack. Such High Drama. Along w/it are lots of cuss words, terrible tantrums like a 3yr old, the reverse guilt trip, making sure I hear every negative remark, as this tragic situation continues for hours, even days at times but the worst one to me is sex. Or not having sex rather that makes all the above seem like flowers are being passed out, I remember the first time this happened...He said in a angry voice I didn't find him attractive anymore, I show no interest in making love (not the words used) and it's ok....I don't need it - and I don't want it! I wouldn't do it if you begged! WOAH! Who is this person? I was beyond being confused, disappointed, angry...then he tells me what else could it be? A whole 11 days have gone by without us having one single sexual encounter. Did he just say "11 days?" I remember leaving in my truck, tears flowing down my face , I couldn't stop them! I went to a friends house and totally broke down, explaining this. Her first reaction was - as a newlywed she and her husband have been passed that mark a lot of times. She's asked if I'd ever cheated, or done anything to cause such a dramatic encounter. The answer is No to all that and I began feeling - He's not the one. I can't believe it but I can't subject myself to that reaction or any other Immature reaction. I thought I'd met a man, and I did! but a man who literally POUTS? slams things, mutters beneath his breath, accuses me of holding out - using this as a weapon against him because obviously he mustve done someting to piss me off and this is my way of "getting back at him". OK, now I'm really confused. Does he actually believe I would behave that way? I'm floored, blown away and his actions over this are not helping his case at all. So, we are 5 years into this now, it's happening now...again, and it's only day 3? My Goodness. First of all I don't understand this and the titles he puts on it cause me a lot of sadness and anger. There's more of course, but this is enough for now. Any responses? comments? Serious grown up feelings about it? I appreciate them as they are much needed and Welcome!
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (11 November 2017):
 It is unusual here for an original poster to create a name and write such a long post, then never come back to follow up. This post is just to say, I hope our replies were helpful, and we would love to hear back from you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2017): Like some of the previous poster have said . This is pretty typical male behaviour unfortunately . Men it seems continue to behave like immature three year olds their entire lives , hence why I have decided to not enter another relationship . It's just too incredibly drainlng to be with the 90 percent of them that are child men ughhh . Sorry Hun but my only advice is let him know it's become intolerable and that you need to leave if he can't change his behaviour . If he doesn't ? Then you need to follow through.
Hold out for one of the 10 Percent who don't behave this way or stay single and just have companions like many women are deciding to do nowadays
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2017): I'm chuckling a little to myself; because this type of problem goes two-ways. Women complain because they're menfolk show no emotion, never expresses openly what's on his mind; and for the most part, they can't figure him out. You have a drama queen on your hands. He over-expresses emotion and tends to have tantrums.
He's too old to change. He's getting older, and usually when a guy gets grumpy in his maturing-years; he's more frustrated with aging, than he is with the problem at hand.
Grumpiness makes it harder to shake smaller irritants, and having a captive-audience may enhance his performance. Leading to a bit of overacting...or overreacting, as it were.
I find it strange it wasn't much of a big deal until now? I think you're paying more attention; because you yourself are getting older, and your patience has worn thinner. I think you've put-up with his ways for a long time; and now you're reaching your final-threshold. I'm in your age-group, I know how it is.
He's getting crotchety in his old-age! You're the more easy-going lay-back one. You might be due a change. I can tell you, he's only going to get worse. The fact that you've indicated that this isn't all of it; I suspect the grocery list is growing longer?
Hon, he hasn't changed that much; you're just getting tired of dealing with it! When you were five years younger; you just say it as part of his usual quirks. You've become less tolerant of it. If you care to admit it!
Sulking for sex is a man-thing. The rejection hurts more than not getting what you want. Pouting and spitting-nails sometimes will change your partner's mind. If you don't give in; then he takes it personally. As you would, if he suddenly doesn't seem so interested. All sorts of things will run through your mind; because there is an abrupt change in normal routines. One thing mature-people become very accustomed to is routine. Consistency and predictable-normalcy. Change or a disruption in routine, gets some older-folk really miffed!
When some guys can't do what he used to do at 25, they get edgy or mean. Not me, I'm growing older with grace! I want to live a long time! I'm like my old dad, suave and sophisticated! No sense in fighting time!
If he's a cantankerous and stubborn type, talking to him will not help much. If you know deep in your heart he's a reasonable man; just simply tell him to cut it out. Remind him of his age, and to behave with more dignity and maturity. Ask him to tone it down, or he should leave the room! That is, if it occurs in your home. If you share the same house, just excuse yourself. Go to another room, until he calms down. I've always done that. I leave the puddle of poop right where it lies!
I was domestic-partners with an attorney for 28 years! He's now passed. He could be a stick of dynamite when a case was pressing on his nerves. I had to be the pressure-valve. He had to win, he didn't take to losing a case. Rarely did he!
If you've read any of my posts, I don't take nonsense. I have a special gift, I can calm a raging elephant. Why, because I don't let other people ruffle my feathers; and I don't mind telling them when they're cutting a fool!
I think he's growing older, you're both approaching an expiration-date of the relationship; and you're too easy-going to grow cranky along with him.
If your heart says it's time for him to go; I'd say you should listen to it.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (6 November 2017):
It seems like you are not on the same wavelenght at any level.So no wonder there is so much misunderstandings on both sides.So as you stated...He is not the One.Just move on ,make a fresh start with someone with whom you are on a wavelenght with.After all in a relationship one wants to make love and not war.Best wishes Nora.B.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (6 November 2017):
Well I tried to write some advice to you based on this situation. But it came out as advice that your boyfriend needs.
All I can offer you is an interpretation of what is going on with him.
His emotional needs are not being met in the relationship. He is withdrawing emotionally, and preparing to dissolve the relationship. That's what it looks like.
Assuming that you can't change him, What do you want to do to bring him back?
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