A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi all, right I have a problem I could really do with some advice on. I'm a 21 year old male and Ii met this 22 year old girl around 2 years ago, we got on sooo well and spent a lot of time together, I'd just got out of a long and bad relationship at the time and didn't wanna jump into another one too soon, she waited and waited for me but I just took too long and she eventually got with someone else.She then had a baby with this other fella and the baby is now around 3 months old but she's not happy and says she wants to leave him and wants to be with me still, I would love to be with her and wish I'd got with her before but I don't know now if I'd be breaking up a family and if she does split up with him how that would affect the child and what the laws are on custody and wot I'd have to do. Any help would be soo much appreciated as I'm just sooo confused at the moment! I just keep telling her I don't know if I could handle it and I keep telling her she needs to try and work things out with this other fella for the babies sake (as painful as it is to say) I'm just worried that I'm gonna miss this oppourtunity now as well and regret this too!
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (6 March 2008):
 Hi there,
you are right to be cautious. You are still very young and taking on the responsibility of a mother and child is huge.
She will be relying on you for finacial security and you will have the added responsibility of being a father to her child. At your age this is a massive step.
It may sound harsh, but she didnt have to get pregnant by this new guy, just because it has turned out as a disappoint for her doesnt mean you are there to pick up the pieces. But you can't change what has happened in the past, just think that your life will change immeasureably if you start to see her. How will your family react to you taking on a ready made family. How will her soon to be ex handle this? it could get very ugly. and of course are you in a financial position to make a happy life together or will you be slumming it trying to make ends meet.
At your age these are huge issues to address, most guys are just starting out on the dating game and having fun. There wont be much of that for you looking after a new baby.
But love conquers all, if you two are meant to be together it may just happen. but I would tell her that you can be there for her as a friend for now and nothing more.
A
female
reader, *a.m.y* +, writes (5 March 2008):
 hey. first of all you were right to wait before you jumped into another relationship so don't beat yourself about it. Secondly, why does she say she's not happy with this other guy? does he treat her bad? if this is the case then it's completely her responibility to do what's right for her and the baby. If not, think about the consiquences that this may have. Do you ever argue? how well do you generally get on? Think about the pros and cons because remember you don't want to lose her as a friend. As for the laws on custody I can't really help you much sorry...If it's love then I wish you both the best of luck!
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