A
male
age
36-40,
*lex044
writes:Hello everybody my name is alex and i am 22 years old,and im on here because i seriously need help with my situation i have talked to many people many friends but i feel like i need the outside of this world for help,and i need to get this of my chest and i cant take this pain any longer this will be a long story but i really would appericate any help and advice i can get.continue, i was in a serious realtionship of 4 years with my girlfriend which is 20 now at the begining everything was fine we were in love everything was perfect like a fantasy, sometime last year in NOV of 2008 she moved in with my parents and mostly because her parents were struggling with her home and had to foreclourse the home and she had nowhere to go, so i accepted for her to live with me and my parents, she lived with me for about 7 months, after that some time passed she told me that she wasnt happy here anymore and wanted to move back with her family at the time they had gottin a new home already, i completly broke down and did not want her to leave i begged cried and did everything i could for her not to leave my side, so we decided to go on break which lasted about a week. during the time of break that we had, another problem was that we had sex regularly and for some reason we never had a close call of ever having a baby and we always wanted one at the time so something was not right, so i made my doctors appt and decided to go get checked out the barriar of bad news came to me and i was diagonesed with testicular cancer, after i came back home i broke down to her and told her what happend to me and i felt as if the world was over for me and im still batteling against this cancer.after this she felt bad and decided to be with me and understood what i was going threw and supported me threw the whole way after i got my surgery as well, after some time we made the decision to apply for a apartment and start new, we have been there for barely 3 months and we are already breaking the lease and going on our seperate ways, one night i had a vibe something told me to go threw her phone because something was not right, i had found out that she txt her friend that she hasnt been happy since feb and that she just wants to be single, i felt so horrible reading this that i had to comfront it the same night i couldnt belive what i read. she confessed to me that she loved me but she wasnt in love with me anymore and hasnt been happy with me since FEB 2008, and she just stayed with me thinking things would get better and i would change and also because of my situation, she wanted to remain as friends theres no way i can see her as a friend after 4 years and still be roomates which i think that is a big NO and we tried that for maybe one week and i just couldnt take it, it was not going to work out like that i decided to break the lease i took all my things and moved back to my mothers house for the time being.there was never nobody envolved no cheating what so ever on my end or hers and i know this for a fact, so the conclusion to my story is i feel heart broken i feel like i lost a half of me and i dont desire or have any feelings to do anything, she told me that she doesnt want a boyfriend anymore she just wants to be single have fun and party and meet new people and focus on her self, she said the reason why she didnt love me anymore was because her love for me just faded away i never wanted to go out with my friends like that and i always wanted to stay home with her, and everytime we would have a little fight i showed to much love and it started to irrate her,and said i got mad whenever i didnt included me in her plans and that i was always too weak to handle the situtions and it was a turn off to her i just dont understand wouldnt a girl love for all thoes things to show everything to her i know not over board but just a good boyfriend you know?? i admit i included her in alot of my plans and dreams just to make our realtionship stronger but i guess her heart is not there and maybe i did spend to much time with her, i really need people to understand me somebody out there that can give me the best advice to move on or somehow make her realize that we worked hard for this realtionship i dont want to throw it away but yet i cant force nobody to love or be happy with me if that person doesnt feel the same thank you all so much for reading this i know this is really long but i really need to get this off my chest
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reader, alex044 +, writes (17 August 2009):
alex044 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhello everybody, i thought i come back here to vent my feelings out and you guys give great advice, well its been close to 3 to 4 months now and we havent spoke or seen each other at all, i reframe my self going to any places i might end up seeing her im really not ready to comfront or see her, as much as i tried to pick up new hobbies or try different things i even tried going to god but nothing changes everything feels the same, everything to me doesnt work, some days i feel strong other days i feel weak, i honestly never thought i would ever go threw this or feel this pain or deep depresion, the days nights seem so hard to try to sleep and get over this, i know what i have to do but for some reason i cant do it, i really want to contact her and work things out, but i know its pointless of me even trying or contacting her, i guess my biggest fear is that i lost her forever, nothing feels the same everything i look at it now or even any female i dont even bother it is as though i lost hope in love and i dont want to feel loved or love again, yes there is many women out there that would love me for me or even better but it just wont be the same at all, im tired of feeling this way im even sick of my self it feels like im dead inside...time heal all wounds but what is a remedy that anybody out there took to get this out there system,i want to be able to live and breathe again thank you guys in advance
A
male
reader, alex044 +, writes (13 August 2009):
alex044 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for all your attention and responses they have helped me out any many ways you guys wouldnt imagane,i must say compared to other websites i must say this is a great website for advice and so far i feel alot better, and thanks for the fast responses i was impressed, i know that in time things will get better and gods willing, and if its meant to be we will be togther, it is hard and i feel for anybody out there going threw my sitution, and i wish and hope the best for you all, i never pictured my self going threw this or expected this to crash in my way, i will keep everybody updated and once again thank you all for helping me god bless you all, if anybody else has any more advice please feel free to post it helps alot and makes a difference thank you
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): Thank you all for all your attention and responses they have helped me out any many ways you guys wouldnt imagane,i must say compared to other websites i must say this is a great website for advice and so far i feel alot better, and thanks for the fast responses i was impressed, i know that in time things will get better and gods willing, and if its meant to be we will be togther, it is hard and i feel for anybody out there going threw my sitution, and i wish and hope the best for you all, i never pictured my self going threw this or expected this to crash in my way, i will keep everybody updated and once again thank you all for helping me god bless you all, if anybody else has any more advice please feel free to post it helps alot and makes a difference thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): I have been where you are now. Its the worst feeling in the world, trust me I understand how you feel. But I promise you it will get better. I am living proof, there are so many people in this world that have experienced heartache and they have all survived it and come out stronger human beings.
Do NOT contact her. Give her space. Most importantly take this time to evaluate your life. Focus on yourself and getting you better again. Spend time with your friends and family, pick up a new hobby, set some new goals for yourself. Now is not the time to beg her back, you need to try and let her go for now and work on yourself and your possible issue with co-dependency. If in time she realizes her mistake and begs you back then you can make that decision then, but right now you need to cut off contact.
Im sorry you are hurting so much, but I promise you that life will get better. With time, you will learn to stand on your own again, to make yourself happy. No one should complete you, you need to be a whole person on your own before you can expect to be happy with someone else.
As for your cancer, stay strong and dont lose faith, God never gives us a load he knows we cant carry. Delve deep into yourself and find the strength to pull yourself through this. I will keep you in my prayers, please feel free to message me any time and let me know how youre doing. 3
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): Hi Alex,
I can completely understand you being devastated about the breakup with your girlfriend. Im currently going through one myself and so i know its hard when you feel punched through the chest and completely gutted.
Although you provided a lot of good information i guess i cant really see a definite answer for your question. Unfortauntely feelings do change and being 20 it is hardly a time where one wants to settle down forever if they arent happy in a relationship. Im not saying 20 and 22 is young and a stupid age to be with the perfect person but when i think back 4 yrs ago to being 20 i know i am so different now to how i was then and i can kind of see where shes coming from - that she loves you but is obviously needing to find herself in this world. wanting to be single is probably a good thing as it shows it is about her wanting some time to herself to be happy in herself. my theory is this - a relationship isnt all that happy if one or both people arent happy with their lives. it sounds to me like you gave her the world and were a very loving and caring boyfriend but i think at the same time you both need to have your own lives - by separate i mean time to be with your own friends, time to enjoy activities/interests alone or away from each other. im not saying you were smothering as i dont know how often you hung out, but some people can feel smothered if they arent able to do things and factors like this can lead to someone feeling angry, despising the person theyre with and even falling out of love.
I cant say whether it couldve worked in the long run or you'll get back with her but i think right now you need to respect how she feels and give her the space she needs. It is SO hard to be friends with someone who you once were with (trust me, i cant do it) so if its easier for you, dont be friends, find yourself and let yourself get over it. it wont be easy but one day it will happen. i guess also its worth finding out officially whether there are any chances of reconciliation. its hard to have things ended and move on when you have some false hope (or sometimes its not false hope) that things will work out again. so whether its by asking her straight out or working it out in your head yourself, find out whether its over once and for all. as hard as it is to accept, it is at least reality and definitely helps you move on (if thats how its going to end). one of the worst things to suffer is holding on to something that isnt there..
all the best with it, i feel for you.
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A
male
reader, raven100  +, writes (10 August 2009):
I understand you, the same thing happened to me, you have to go ahead, you have to forget!You must be strong! I live, you can live too.R.
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A
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): Hi Alex , I am genuinely sorry that you have had such a terrible time emotionally with your break- up and your illness . The good news Alex is that you are a fighter and tougher than you think you are . You are fighting this illness and showing a great example to others .
I know it is heartbreaking , but you sound caring , sensitive and astute and know that this relationship has ended by your ex girlfriends words and treatment of you . I think you should remember that there is a girl for you who will love you for being Alex . Everyone has suffered from this heartbreak at some point, but yours will feel harder as you are suffering physically . Try to meet new friends and start a new interest ...even charity work . I am certain your luck will change .
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