A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Iam married and have been having an affair for 3 years with someone who is in a relationship. We had very very good sex,his sex life with his partner was almost non-existant (she told me that too). He always said that I was important etc,although the compliments have faded over the years. We see A LOT of each other socially - as we want to be together - him too - so he said - Then I found out that they had had sex one morning - (she has been to a sex therapist and is trying to rekindle her libido - She has told me this) and I hit the roof and wrote a viscious e-mail to him. He has responded saying he can't cope with it and he'll let me know what he wants to do later tis week. I feel I have been dumped - he won't understand my jealousy and will make no allowances for my feelings, or my anger.I need to get him out of my life, but I don't know how,we live near each other, we go to the same pub. PLEASE, PLEASE can someone tell me what I have to do - I can't carry on being this unhappy.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (7 August 2008):
 Hi, I think you need to take a huge step back and look at this relationship as if you were an outsider. He's married, you're married, his wife is trying to make it work. That relationship with his wife is the primary one, if he didn't love her and didn't want to be with her, he could have started the divorce process with her. You are certainly important in his life but you will never be number one. And that is why you are angry at him right now, of course your feelings are important, but they are not as important as hers. That's your conundrum. You need to end the affair yourself, as Tellulah said, because he's not going to do it until he's ready to. And if his wife gets her mojo back, it'll be goodbye to you then.
Take back your own control. Why aren't you working on your own marriage? Relationships are hard work, they require tending, they require effort, they do not fix themselves without combined team work.
So stop feeling sorry for yourself, and realize your place in the other man's world. It is simply not number one.
Sorry for being harsh, but I think you just need some outside perspective on this, and obviously you think so too or you wouldn't have posted on this site, right?
Good luck.
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (6 August 2008):
 Hi,
You my darling have to finnish it first. You have no other option, then you need to get your life back.
Of course it will be hard at first, but you have to be strong. This man doesnt love you or he would be with you. Dont let yourself get used like this, how dare he tell you that he will let you know what he wants. You know deep down that its not going to be you, so why put yourself through all the anguish. And go to another pub, or find another interest. Try to get your own marriage back on track, its not impossible you know.
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