A
male
age
30-35,
*haun5649
writes:Dear Experts, Ive finaly hit rock bottom in what is supposed to be called a relationship and i require some support to find the courage to leave,after 4 hard years with my soon to be ex partner i cant take anymore of her crap,november 2010 our daughter sadly passed away and 12 weeks later she was adiment to be pregnant again, i wasnt somthing i wanted but i loved her so i agreed, all through her pregnancy there was trouble with her attitutde toward me and her pregnancy and it was total street for a whole 29 weeks, at 29 weeks she gave birth prematurly AGAIN to our wonderful babie girls, and for a further 7 weeks more stress in the special care unit, all during the time we have been togeather she talks to me like shit and doesnt resepect me at all, im no saint and have been just as bad at times but its came to the final straw tonight, she went out on the drink with my best friend and his sister, on coming home 2 hours late, her camera photos were uploaded to the house laptop, sure enough she wall all over my friend like a rash, harmless fun in my eyes, he wouldnt do anything of the sort with her.that including being late got my back right up anyway, and then after an hour of me not talking to her becuase she came in late, she then descriped how she has sex with an ex partner of hers while my best friend was sat in our lounge, thats somthing i just dont want to or need to hear, im fucking fed up, i cant take this anymore and need the help to build up the strengh to leave her. i cant take this anymore and i will go insane but on the same token i dont have anywere to goto ( anywere to live) and i dont want to leave my children as they are my world, please help me in this dificult descision, sorry for the spelling mistakes..cheers
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (27 November 2011):
 This is way too much stress. Sadly she sounds like a very troubled woman.
The loss of a baby is indeed a huge loss and you will never forget your baby.
Then a premature birth of your baby girls and an extended time in hospital would have added further stress.
At a time when you should be supporting each other and helping care for the babies she speaks to you disrespectfully. That would hurt.
And her wish to still be a party girl is evident. when you mentioned that she went out with your best friend and his sister, but then came home two hours later than she had indicated earlier was her home time.
Then you decided to not speak to each other.
So she decided to hurt you more by describing how she had sex with an ex partner of hers while your best friend sat in your lounge.
So sadly she has very little respect for the relationship and zero respect for you, the father of her children.
And you are very right to be concerned for your children.
While you are around you share the load of looking after the children and contribute to their happiness.
Without you she is likely to start living an even more risky lifestyle. And it is your children will suffer.
Maybe in the past you were no angel.
But now you are older you want to be more responsible.
For the sake of the children can you examine some other options?
First option would be for you alone to go to some counselling to work out ways to best protect your health and devise ways to rebuild your self esteem enough to stand up to her in ways that can help you to relate to her better. Because if you change your actions it will help encourage her to change her reaction to you. And Counselling will help you devise which changes will be the most powerful strategies to adopt.
Secondly if you can carefully steer her in the right direction then she may agree to couples counselling. Just for the sake of more harmony and to advance the chances of your children enjoying a good upbringing instead of a distressing upbringing.
Thirdly if all else fails you need to work with her to devise ways to help parent your children together, even if the two of you do not live together.
Did you both receive some grief counselling in 2010? The loss of a child often causes untold stress on a relationship. And grief can result in all manner of reactions - including the risky behavior she is demonstrating.
For the sake of your babies try to keep them in mind during all that you do.
And make sure you take very good care of you too. If your health fails and she continues to absent herself emotionally from the relationship it is the babies who will also suffer, not just you and your partner.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (27 November 2011):
 Hi,I am very sorry for your loss. I am sorry you are going through this difficult time. You have been through so much in such a young age. Remember, you are still young, and have a full life ahead. You don't deserve to live this way, you get to live life once, and you should be happy, have a peaceful life. Your wife is your partner, she should love you, and respect you. She shouldn't be out late, drinking, flirting with your best friend. She's disrespectul, and she's not ready to be a mom, or wife. I know that you don't have financial stability to move out, but meanwhile you should talk to your wife. You need to tell her that you are not happy, and that you want a divorce. You should live together for a while, so you can save enough money to move. Life is full of stress as it's, and you should have peace at home. No wonder you feel like you are going insane. You need to be strong, and think of yourself. You have enough reasons to end this marriage. It's affecting you mentally, emotionally, and phsysically. It's very unhealthy to live this way. Talk to your wife, hopefully she will agree with you. Hopefully you both can be civil with each other for your lovely daughters, and soon you can get a place of your own. Best wishes/good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your daughter last year. No one should have to experience the loss of a child. Grief can make people do desperate things. I'm sorry to hear too that you're so unhappy with her. But for the sake of your kids, do try one more time to work out this relationship. But don't just do the same old thing as you've tried before and which obviously hasn't helped or led to where you are now. Try something different. Talk to your partner with restraint, try to understand what pain she has been going through and is still going through, that she is acting out so destructively and hatefully right now. It could be a plea for help, in disguise. What she needs is your support, not your anger, even though she is being a total b!tch at least try first to get through to her. You two have been through hell and back together, through the loss of your first child. And now you have more young children to consider. Don't give up on this relationship yet, but don't just stay in it with the way it is either. try to do something to improve this relationship for your own sake as well as your kids', try to talk to your partner. I wish you the best of luck.
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