A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help me figure out why I am so upset about being ghosted by an old friend. I met Ann in high school. We were very close our senior year. We went to colleges in different states, but kept in touch. After college, we moved to different cities and lost touch for close to a year. This was well before any social media, so I was touched when Ann found me.Ann and I always led separate lives and had separate friends usually in separate cities, but we never lost touch again. In fact, we’d talk at least once every two weeks by phone at a minimum. I considered her a very close friend and confidante, even if I spent more time with others.We both got married and had children. Because of our busy schedules, and because we live hours away, our conversations became fewer, but we still kept in touch and shared the big events in our lives.But this year Ann didn’t respond to my Christmas greetings or my birthday greetings. It’s now a total of three times that I’ve reached out to her with no answer. I’m not on Facebook, but I used my other friend’s account to see if she was okay. Ann is fine. In fact, she seems great and she’s keeping up with her other friends.Ann is not flaky. She’s not the type of person to disappear. I know that she made a conscious decision to drop me out of her life and I truly have no idea why. I looked at our last few email exchanges and there was nothing remotely controversial. I am at a loss. I’m also deeply hurt. I don’t understand why she couldn’t bother keeping up niceties after over 25 years of friendship. She needed to spend about 20 minutes or so to respond to my good wishes. That’s not a large investment to maintain an old friendship. Plus, she knows that I’ve had a few hardships in the last couple of years, so a quick note to say my family looked nice in our Christmas photos would have meant a lot.I can’t help but think that our friendship was always a sham and that she was using me for what I had to offer and now I have nothing for her, so she got rid of me. I feel so stupid. Can anyone relate or offer insight. I know that I’ll get over this with a little time, but it’s really gnawing at me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses. I will not contact Ann again. I’m not wondering what her reasons are for ghosting me. (It’s obvious that she decided not to keep the friendship going because she can’t be bothered, ie she doesn’t care.)
The ball is not in her court. Our relationship is irreparably damaged. I cannot forgive her inexcusable rudeness. At the same time, it’s not her loss either. How can it be her loss if she couldn’t care less? She knows me very well and knows that I would never forgive her for ghosting me and she does not care.
Thank you. This dialogue has helped me figure out why I’m so upset. As far as I see it, she never liked me for me, but was just using me for whatever reasons. It is what it is. There’s one less phony person in my life and for that, I am a grateful.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 September 2018):
 Please don't feel stupid. It just sounds to me like you where that friend she checked in on now and again, but she has now just stopped the contact and let it frizzle out. Off course it will hurt, it is rude not to reply to your well wishes, maybe she has her reasons, however I wouldn't contact her again, as the ball is now in her court. I think you need to accept for whatever reason she has choose to end the contact. It is difficult but not your fault so try and put it behind you and allow yourself to see it is her loss.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2018): Send one last email or call her .. saying that your wondwrong what happened that your not going to purse a friendship if that's not what she wants but at your age surely she can be honest . And then leave it on her court.. if she replies with something that reasonable then let her chase the friendship if she humm and hope you have your answer and just let her go . It's her loss at the end of the day
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