A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically im in a massive shit hole of a situation! It will sound wierd but I wanna fall out of love with someone. the person I fell in love with is my step sister and its a horrible feeling. I also done the stupid thing of telling her I love her strongly. I think about her all the time and i no nothing will ever happen between us and it tearing a hole in my heart. This has really effected our normal brother sister bond and i hate it. I know it's my fault for telling her but I felt it was the right thing to do. This has got so bad I have just recently been diagnosed with moderate depression. I can't stand it anymore, she is so brilliant and perfect but I will never ever have her for my own so I need to lose these feelings for her. I've tried talking to other girls to get to no them to try dating but no one else attracts me and when I'm near other girls I think of her instead of them. I love her so much please help me. I don't know what to do to get over this how can you get over someone so perfect?? Your help will mean so much to me. If I lose these feeling for her then I will be so happy. I can't carry on like this it's making me mentally ill.
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male
reader, Bodhisattva  +, writes (19 January 2010):
Dear Male, 18-21, First, anyone's advice to you is limited since you left out some important information. I'll respond to what you wrote; find a mentor who should handle the rest... I addressed you as Male/18-21 not merely because you described yourself so, but because your approach to your circumstance seems rooted in the often-predicament of your stage of life in these times. I am sorry for the apparent lack of support you have from others in your crisis of heart and soul. Let's tackle that one first, shall we? Someone diagnosed you: might that person be available to guide you further? If not (financial reasons, perhaps?) she/he could suggest someone, help you choose someone. You need guidance/navigation in some specific things here: FIRST: GROWING, no matter what, to accept and honor yourself for discovering a spirit of love for another being whatever their label (step-sister, etc.) Please do not from this moment on belittle yourself further -- consider this statement: you will, instead, develop your solution admirably, compassionately and peacefully. It will probably increase your feeling and therefore your tears for awhile. But you'll always be grateful you dropped the self-anger. It's an armor against feeling deeply, and it blocks wisdom. Ask yourself: seven years from now, how would you like to look back on this situation and remember how you took care of yourself in this? SECOND: A "step-sister" is defined as "a daughter of one's stepparent by a former partner". If this is accurate, then your family/community/peers attitudes about this are clearly less important -- ultimately -- than yours and hers -- which brings us to her: THIRD: Assuming, and only assuming, that your definition of step-sister matches mine -- that you are not blood-related -- what does she feel towards you? And how old is she? Is she even ready, age-wise or otherwise, for this discussion? My friend, go over these questions with a responsible adult you trust.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): Well first off, there are many brilliant wonderful women out there in the world. So don't be scared that you will never be happy with any other woman/girl! It could take some years for you to get over her (as you do see her basically every day). But I think you understand that this will not work. She does not return your feelings. It probably creeps her out too, if she's always considered you her brother. That bond is now broken. It probably upset her a lot too.
To get over her you must stop focusing on her. Do you live in the same house as her? Do you have any opportunity of moving out, that would be the best thing. If not, maybe have a room change so that yours is as far away from hers as possible, so that you dont have to run into her more than absolutely necessary. Don't look at any pictures of her. Don't go to places that reminds you of her or do ANYTHING related to her. This will only prolong it and make it harder for you.
It will suck for some time. And then it will get better. Start a new routine. Get a new hobby. Change something in your life to state that "I am starting a new period in my life" and make it a priority that she is not a part of this new part of your life. It's okay to think of her from time to time, but try your best to avoid it, it will only bring pain. Hang out with friends and make new friends! Trying to date other girls wont help at all, you are not over your step-sister yet thats why. But making new friends help!
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A
male
reader, jmn +, writes (18 January 2010):
Tell her how you really feel, I mean love is a really difficult thing, when you love someone, its not easy, the best thing is to be truthfull with this person, cause deep inside you will feel alot better with those feelings out in the open.. She probably will feel better also so goodluck.
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