A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I really need some help. My partner of 8 years told me two days ago that he chated on me three years ago when I was living in Russia for 6 months. He was lonely, and resentful and had been drinking and had taken some drugs and so he called a prostitute. Two days ago he said that she came over and fooled around, but that he could not have sex with her. Had just been getting me head around that and then today he said that he could not lie anymore and that he did have sex with her, twice, in our bed. He says that this the only time he has ever strayed and he wanted to tell me because he wants to marry me and have a life together and he does not think he can do that while having this lie inside him. He also told me about other terrible stuff that happened to him when he was younge which have warped his view of love and life. He has started suffering from depression and anxiety as a result of keeping this all in. He is now getting treatment and counselling. He says he wants to be a better person and is willing to do anything to amke it up to me but how do I ever trust him, how can I ever forgive him and do I realy want to be the kind of woman that takes back a cheating partner? Please help.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear all
Thank you for taking the time to post replies to my question. Sometimes it is good to know that people are out there.
I have decided that we are going to try and make it work. I think he means it when he says that he is sorry and wants to change and I am glad (sort of) that he told me. That way I am not living a lie.
He has been told he has six months to sort himself out and earn my trust back. After six months, I am going to make a decision that will change the rest of my life, either to forgive him or to forget him.
Thanks again to all posters who responded.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): This is quite complex. You are still young. I don't like the fact she came round to his place. Drink and drugs too.
Why did he not visit you in russia?
I suggest you both go to some kind of pre marraige counselling/classes
I can see his point of view about not hiding things.
He better have got std checked. Even if he used protection. If he didn't I'd call that a deal breaker.
In some ways a prostitute is more acceptable than meeting someone in a bar. As it is sex for money.
I think at the end of the day the only way he will truly learn from his mistakes is if he loses you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): First of I sympathise with anyone who gets cheated on, second I don't think there's any excuse for it personally.
I think that you need to forgive him though, as this has obviously got him down over the years and he's seems very ashamed of what he did. I know the trust is a bit lower now, but at least you now know the signs of it.
He also seems like one of those good guys who messes up, and gets themselves into a huge knot over it. And lastly I would like to point out that he is going to counselling, so he wants help, and he wants to sort himself out, he also admits to himself that he's done something wrong, things men never normally admit too!
Good luck, hope I've been a little bit helpful :)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 September 2010):
 well at least he is getting help that is a start. His past has obviously messed his head up but this is no excuse to cheat on you. you need to sit down and tell him how you feel he has to earn your trust back and he needs to no that. its not easy and it will take time. just take things slowly and make sure he treats you like a princess. if you really love him try and make a go off it trust has to be earned back. im afraid if you cant trust him again then you would be better off spliting up as there is no relationship if there is no trust. i hope all works out for the best.
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