A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, I met someone online and talked to them for about a month. I got him a job working out of town with me (he Skyped with the HR person and was hired). Since this job is 2 hours out of the city, the staff live on site. So "Charlie" came out and we met for the first time in person. After 3 days I found I had fallen hard and the feeling was mutual. We decided to share a room and so are basically living together. So the situation is we are working together and living together after only knowing each other a couple of weeks. We are in love with each other although I will admit we have had a few petty disagreements (that we have worked out), and he also has a couple of habits that I don't care for but am willing to overlook. The problem is most of our family and friends are telling us we are crazy. The winter is coming and we will be basically isolated in the woods, stuck inside for the better part of 6 months. There are 8 other people living in our cottage though. Nobody thinks we will make it since we hardly know each other. I have actually lost some of my friends. They won't talk to me b/c they have seen a past relationship end badly (I moved in with my bf at the time after knowing him for 6 months and it ended badly 6 months later). Now they think I have done something that is going to end badly again...and my Mom hasn't come right out and said it, but I know she thinks I'm doing something irrational.I am 21 and my bf is 24. So do you think a) it is possible to love someone after knowing them only 2 weeks? b) do you think that things will work under the current circumstances? I hope I can prove everyone wrong but I hate knowing that so many people are against us.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2013): Your friends care for you and realize you are impulsive. The problem with impulsive people is; obviously, they throw caution to the wind. The consequences may be dire. People start to distance themselves; because they think you're losing it.
I have had personal experience with a particular friend who is quite given to fixating on guys he's only met a few times. He reveals too much personal information; and once they know he has money, they pretend to care for him.
He immediately starts fantasizing about a relationship before knowing whether a guy is sincere; or anything about their past. He is a very attractive person; and he is financially comfortable. He quickly moves people into his massive home, and within weeks he's complaining about their habits. His family and other friends have thrown up their hands, and just given up. His problem being he isn't able to get these guys out of his home. They are usually young and attractive; and looking for a fool with too much money. The ending is always dramatic and scary.
I have warned him countless times. He ends up paying for everything, having confrontations with these guys. They are often muscular, aggressive, and a bit intimidating. They do finally leave once he threatens to call police, but that is embarrassing and draws attention from his neighbors. He ends up sulking and humiliated. This is, until the next episode.
People do tend to lose faith in your judgment; because it becomes repetitive behavior. You take risks without forethought or consideration of the consequences. You invited this stranger to live with you, uprooting him from his familiar surroundings, and moved him into a remote cabin in the middle of nowhere; and expect nothing to come of it. You think you love him.
Maybe that isolation has gotten to you.
The remote location alone will bring out the worst in people, once everyone starts to feel cramped and cutoff.
Winter storms shutoff mobilization, and you could lose power and communication.
You don't know anything of the guy's past, and what he may be capable of. He isn't wise to accept so easily.
You use the "L-word" and you hardly know this fellow. Love takes time to develop. It doesn't happen within a few weeks over Skype and text messaging. That in itself shows how impulsive and over the top you may be.
You have all the ingredients for disaster on top of being isolated with someone you hardly know. When cabin-fever sets in, you'll be at each others throats. This is what usually happened to my friend. The guys didn't want to sit him home. They wanted to go out every night and party.
These guys usually have weird habits and expected free reign within his home. Financially, they don't contribute much of anything. They weren't properly screened. He has valuable art, Tiffany lamps, and expensive antiques. All exposed to these total strangers.
These guys have invited people over when he was away. They also wanted access to everything; as though they were long-time partners. Huge arguments ensued, and he'd be on the phone hysterically calling friends for advice or support; when things got totally out of control. He cried wolf for the last time for many of us.
He doesn't listen to advice, and swears each and every-time he knows what he's doing. The outcome is always a disaster.
I do not think your situation will work: mainly because of your poor judgment. I also think this guy will become homesick and lonely with having only you, and the same faces all cramped in a cabin out in the boonies. I think you use the word "love" too loosely and irresponsibly.
Age and experience will teach you hard lessons. You'll be hurt many times before you realize that you have to take time to sort out the details.
You must weight the pros and cons behind major decisions such as commitment, and sharing your personal space with strangers. You also have to learn that you don't act impulsively on the heart. It will make you do foolish things. You have a brain to logically analyze and plan out your actions.
You will see in due time what you've done; and it is at that time you'll have to deal with the consequences.
I wish you the best, and give you benefit of the doubt; because of your youth. My friend is well-educated, over-forty, and he hasn't learned. I hope my example will get you thinking.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2013): That's like asking if you can love a band after hearing only one song. All their other stuff could be shit so you can't truly say you love a band after one song.
OP people who say they fell in love at first sight only fell in lust and infatuation and were lucky enough that they liked all the other songs in that person's album.
You can't truly love someone you barely know.
I love Little Frog's sarcasm, and we all know what happened them.
You can't love someone that early, but you can be one of the ones who fell hard straight away and be lucky enough to keep that going. It is rare as hell though OP, and it certainly isn't helped by being with each other 24/7 straight away. Plus the fact you've already had some bickering in what is supposed to be the floating on air, fairies and bubbles part of dating.
Don't blame your friends or think badly of them for bailing here OP, they know your history, they know you have a tendency to jump in head first with no thought for practical concerns and you've been hurt by that in past. Remember they're the ones who have to deal with the fallout of your actions, and you can't ask them to stick around and help you deal with what is potentially the exact same mistake you've made before.
If you and he work out they'll come around and that's the best you can hope for.
Can you and he work out? yeah you can. It's highly unlikely but it has for others and can with you too.
Just get one thing straight though OP, no one's "against" you. They're on your side, they want to see you happy and you know that, they just don't want to have to deal with the emotional fallout again, it hurts to see your loved ones being hurt OP, it's even worse when it's they purposefully do it to themselves and it's simply intolerable when it's a repeated mistake. Your friends are only trying to protect themselves, so you thinking they're against you is wrong and unfair.
OP be careful not to get into an "us against the world" mentality, literally no on is against you. They're against the idea of seeing you deliberately hurt yourself by not learning the lessons of your past. You too would step out of the firing line in those circumstances.
Best of luck, I hope it works out for you. But if it doesn't don't blame your friends, don't hold it against them that they had to protect their own feelings and suck it up when you get the inevitable I told you so's.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2013): There is a VERY similar question on this site that is from a mothers point of view about her son......
Maybe it is your mother?
If it is, she IS worried about you!
If it IS, then I suggest you talk with her as you both sound lovely :)
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (15 September 2013):
 No, I don't think you can love someone after two weeks, but I admire your courage and fearlessness to risk it all for the possibility of love. Yes it's a crazy idea to live with someone only after knowing them for such a short while, but there's a 50/50 chance it might work out. Life is all about experiences. If you live too cautiously, you risk leading an unfulfilled life filled with "What ifs". When you take risks, you can say, "Yes I did it and this is what I learned about myself and about life..."
The friends who stopped talking to you after this decision were not true friends, so good riddance. Have a great adventure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2013): I'm sorry, but no I don't believe that you can love someone after afew weeks, to love someone you need to know them....you can't possibly know them after afew weeks only.
To go from complete strangers, to working together and living together in a month is madness, im sorry to say.
You only know what he has chosen to tell you and show you.
Things have happened way too fast, you need to slow down and get to know each other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2013): Listen the only two people that can make this work is you and Charlie ! So I would start by saying stop worrying over what family think or friends and concentrate on getting to know each other .. You two have already moved in, so lets try and give some advice that will help .. Okey my grandmother met my grandfather and they married within three weeks. True it was war time and society and things were so much diffirent then .. But hey their feelings were real .. They loved and cared for each other until their dying days .. They would just look at each other And say ' they knew' .. Now that isn't to say that their relationship wasn't a bundle of joy every day, but as my grandmother would say if you can compromise, love the other person warts and all then your half way there .. We're not all perfect and what a boring place it would be if we were ..Okey so you are going to be together during the winter then I suggest getting some good DVDs .. Some board games lol remember and be a good loser if you do . Deck of cards . And have fun . Go for walks if the weather permits .. Take time to talk and don't shout demands instead leave little notes with hearts and love on them ..I've been with my husband since I was 15 teen and he was 18 teen no one thought it would last . We are now 24 years together 3 kids a lovely house n neighbours And still very much in love .. Our song is 'still the one ' Just take it easy , remember communication and understanding is the key .. And I wish you both a very happy winter together .
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A
female
reader, Little Frog  +, writes (15 September 2013):
 I think it will work perfectly. Romeo and Juliet fell in love minutes after they met, so I don't see why this relationship won't work either.
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