A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 6yrs but with my husband for 15yrs, in the 3rd year of our relationship he slept with a someone else, got her pregnant, she told him, he told her he didn't want to have a child to her and that she was too young (16), she agreed and said she would be a termination. She contacted and said it had been done. During this whole process i was not aware of what was going on!! She never got the termination as she told him 4months later, she was 4months pregnant. Well cut a long and painful story short. She has contacted my husband as the child now 11 wants to meet him and have a relationship? We have two kids of our own and do not know of this. He and i are not sure what to do as we feel our children are too young and his child is too young for the truth...
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female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (13 October 2010):
 Well, I agree with anonymous that your husband should have a paternity test done. If the child is his, the child does have the right to know who his father is. The child is also entitled to his financial support and you know what, it's better your children know now that they have a sibling. The earlier the better. Witholding such information is a form of lying and they will resent you for it. All they need to know right now is that they have a brother/sister. That's it. When they start asking more questions, you both need to truthfully answer. If your husband doesn't want anything to do with the child, he shouldn't go and see it. The poor child will feel abandoned unwanted, and unlovable. I hope your husband does step up. Children need their father...the younger your kids are, the more they'll be able to accept this other child. If your husband steps up, he should spend time with them all.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): He needs to insist on a paternity test and then be honest about his feelings if he is the father.
If he is genuinely interested in having a bond with the child he should see it on his own and not involve your children at this stage. Things will have to evolve from there.
Alternatively, if he is not interested in seeing the child he should be honest from the outset and never see it or the child will be confused.
Then there is the money side of things. I expect she will want some cash out of him to bring up the child?
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