A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid..,I am 26 y/o and my girlfriend is 27 y/o, we are together for almost two years. Unfortunately our sex life is not very great. She tells me that she is in pain when we have intercourse. She used to get wet when we had sex but nowadays lubrication is a must. I try to do extensive foreplay and give her oral (sometimes I offer to make it only about her and her pleasure) which she enjoys. I also bought two vibrators and massage oil to try to give her more pleasure.I am worried about her in pain and I dont know what to do about it. I asked her to go and see her doctor but she doesnt really follow up on it. She is also very impatient and thinks it takes her to long to get aroused. Also she cant get an orgasm from vaginal sex.I want to please my partner. The pain makes her to desire sex less and less and I hesitate to ask for it more and more. The only positions she allows me to do are doggy and me on top. All other seem to bring more pain. She had an UTI early in our relationship and two more later one (which were not caused by sex, because we did not have any during that time) and that seems to make her more hesitant as well - or maybe it is just an excuse.She is very stressed at school, but she was before and we had good sex (during the first 6 months).Do any of you have experience with pain during intercourse? Could it be vaginismus? I tried to talk to her about it, also asked what her former partners did, told her to be open and that she could tell me what she likes. But no solutions so far.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): well if she is stressed out, then foreplay and lubricants will only cover up some of the issues. if something is on her mind, she will be even further from full pleasure.
i cant remember the exact name of the condition, but i have read articles where the neurons in a woman's vagina constantly fired off, creating intense pain, she was cured by botoxing down there (sounds weird i know). ask her what kind of pain she is in, it could be that her hymen isnt fully broken.
but make her see a doctor pronto!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): She needs to get checked out. Did she always have pain or it this something new?
She could have interstitial cystitis or vulvadynia. These are treatable but for women with them sometimes intercourse is just not possible or worth the pain, so oral sex would be the next best option. If she has either of these she can try taking pain killers before and after intercourse and using ice after. Intercourse will end up causing more pain and inflammation if it's a chronic condition so it's recommended not to have intercourse at all or until the condition is under control.
I doubt it's vaginismus since women who have this usually cannot be penetrated at all since the pain is severe and the muscles tense up so much so as not to allow it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 January 2012):
 if the pain is NEW she really MUST see the doctor....
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (9 January 2012):
 Well first of all I think she need to go see a doctor. Just to make sure everything is in good working order. And if the pain thing is something that just started to happen, it could be a variety of reasons. For example...
#1. It could be medical. It may be an infection, tear, problems with her ovaries, P.I.D., etc. Just as I mentioned in the first sentence of my comment, she should first see a doctor... and then you both would know how to proceed from there.
#2. It could be you. I don't know how you two are being intimate when it comes down to actual penetration. But if you're going too hard and/or too fast, that may cause some pain. Try making some adjustments and see if there are any positive changes.
#3. It could be physical or psychological. Stress, fatigue, depression, etc... could make her body turn against her to the point that she could actually feel physical pain. So it's important for her to monitor what's going in her life currently- and if possible take necessary steps to get better.
Best wishes!
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