A
female
age
51-59,
*morlopez
writes:I have been married for 10 years. When my husband and I started dating, he consumed alcohol. I did not mind at the time because I only saw him intoxicated once and thought he only consumed alcohol on the weekends. Due to our occupations, the first seven years of our marriage we lived together for about four years consecutively. After leaving our previous jobs so that we could be together, I noticed how much my husband drank. I am a social drinker. I consume liquor about once every other month, if that. I have noticed a change in my husband. He drinks alcohol to intoxication daily. After drinking, he goes straight to sleep. We spend hardly any time together. When we do spend time together on Saturday, by 1:00 pm he becomes irritable and wants to hurry and get home to drink. This has gone on for two years now. At this point, I do not believe he loves me any more. I still love him but unwilling to accept this behavior. I do not believe he is having an affair. He drinks at home and never goes anywhere. He has no interest in anything but drinking. He has a job and adjusts his hours so that he can get home by 3:30 pm so that he can drink for the rest of the evening.I am not getting any attention from him. He is very interested in what others think of him except for me. I feel the marriage is over. Am I overreacting?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): You are very welcome! I have been on both sides of addiction, and know all to well that it is a family disease! It not only effects the user, but it also effects the people living with it!
We have been trained well as enablers! We live in shame. We live with disgrace, lies, and empty promises...after time this makes us sick.
Counseling will help you deal with him in a healthy way...you will learn "tough love" and how to stick to your guns. You will also gain a support system made up of people just like you, who understand everything you are going through. And when he sees a change in you, hopefully he will be willing to go for help too. That is the ultimate goal, of course. There is no garauntee that it will happen but it will definitely save you from losing your mind!
Good Luck!
Britt
A
female
reader, amorlopez +, writes (21 May 2009):
amorlopez is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you Britt for your response, which was very helpful. His use and interest in alcohol is a topic that we often discussed. My husband is not at the point where my he is willing to seek help. He would rather that I seek counseling, which is something that I am considering. Hopefully, if I make this first step, perhaps he will follow.
Amore
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): No, I don't think you are overreacting. Your husband clearly has a drinking problem.
His behavior has nothing to do with his love, or lack of love for you. His affair is with the bottle and that's all he sees, loves and desires. He's at the point where he has to drink to function. It's not a matter of wanting a drink, he NEEDS it.
Talk to him about this and ask him if he would be willing to get help. There are so many resources out there for people wanting to recover from alcoholism. The thing is, You can't make him get sober, you can't keep him sober...he has to want it for himself!
It won't do a bit of good to fight with him over this. Show that you care, and that you love him. Be kind and gentle. The Best Of Luck!
Britt
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