A
female
age
36-40,
*onfused3324
writes:My husband and I will be married for a year in a few days and the last few months have been terrible. Its seems like we are more roomates than man and wife. We havent been sleeping together and when we try to talk it turns into an argument. He doesnt put me first anymore and wont talk to me, I dont know what to do anymore. Im just so sad that we have turned into this. I dont know what to do and I need help now. Im too depressed to continue on like this
View related questions:
depressed, roommate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YasmineKlenot +, writes (24 July 2010):
Not to be funny, but you might to see if he is too much into porn.
Have you or him physically changed (i.e. gained weight)? It may be shallow, but you might bring that up. None the less, a change in physical appearance such as a dress or hair color could spice it up.
You might also take the initiative and try to do something "naughty" for him such as giving him fellatio (oral) or giving him a try at anal sex. Of course these are just small things that might not help if there are bigger issues.
You two should try to get out one day and get away to do the things you did when you were a young couple.
In all seriousness, in addition to finding out if he is a porn addict, you might try to find out if he is seeing other people. DON'T OVER INVESTIGATE, or else you might drive him nuts, but just keep an eye out for it. Trust is important to have. As mentioned above, try to communicate using "I" statements.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): To be married to the wrong person, or in a marriage that is empty of affection, care and consideration is one of the loneliest places to be. So I'm really sorry you are going through this, but before I make some suggestions, I want to try and get a picture of the whole situation.
Ok you are both very young, early twenties, and coming up for being married a year:
1. Did you live together before you married, and if so how long?
2. Did you meet and MARRY whilst still in the honeymoon period, meaning, the relationship hadn't had time to settle down into USUAL, normal everyday life where you both could see how the other one acts OUT of the dating stage. ( This is VITAL for anyone to do before they get married)
3.Has your marriage been like this from day ONE of the marriage?
As for not making love or being intimate, that is fairly unusual for such a young married couple to be going through so early on, so are there other factors/issues here?
Finances, work, living, as in accommodation, are you secure in all these areas? if not, it could affect how a couple may deal with the stress of such matters. Things are never just black and white, there are always grey areas which loop the problem together.
You say he doesn't put you first any more -but you don't give any indication or example of what you mean by this. Marriage is NOT dating, it is not a FAIRY TALE, where the couple react to each other in the same way as when they first met. When you first meet, in the first flush of being in-love couples will cancel on friends, even give up friends sometimes just to be and put their love interest first, but this cannot be continued throughout marriage as it is a long journey, and both parties need outside interests to maintain balance within the marriage, and their own lives.
Perhaps try to talk calmly to your husband about how you feel, but don't say " YOU make me feel like this, or YOU don't do this any more " as both approaches will put him on the defensive, which will bring about NON-communication or discussion, allowing you to build up further resentment.
You could also try Marriage counselling, relationship therapy - but FIRST I would try to talk together, the lack of communication is one the MAIN issues in relationship break-ups, so do try as difficult as it may seem.
So wish you luck as this is such a sad time for you..
Jilly x
...............................
|
