A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So me and my girlfriend have been living together for a while now and we just broke up. I screwed up in the past while out with my friends(not cheated or anything)and lied about it. So we came to an agreement that to gain her trust back I would stop hanging out with my best friends(guys) because she did not like them. This proved to be extremely difficult for me and I hung out with them again in secret 4 months later. I told her because I felt guilty and we broke up... We have only been broken up 2 days now and I am really upset about it because I love her and she has been my life for so long, but a part of me thinks that it could be a good thing because I have missed my friends so much and they have been there for me all my life. Today my girlfriend told me she wants to maybe get back together. I told her if we get back together I want to see my friends and have them back in my life. But she says she wont trust me as long as I am hanging out with them. Should we stay together? or Live out our lease in separate rooms?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you guys for the input. The original screw up was that I went to a strip club with my friends, and when i got there it turned out one of my ex's had started stripping. I needed to hide because I didn't want to see my ex dance. Being the genius that I am, I decided to get a lap dance, before my ex's time on stage to avoid seeing her dance. Anyways I kept it from my girlfriend and she found out. Except the story that was described to her was that I was at a strip club, had a lap dance and went to see my ex dance.
It was not my friends fault at all. It was my own and I have explained that repeatedly.
Anyways last night we had a heart to heart. We decided we should stay on a break for a while and not jump right back into the relationship. I told her that i needed to be able to see my friends. She said it would be ok as long as I did not go drinking with them again for an indefinite period of time.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (26 July 2009):
 It's never a good sign when your partner wants to separate you from your friends. Every one needs time apart and time to do things that are really important to them, and it's not fair to have your partner be your entire life.
If she can't trust you enough to let you be with your friends, she is not right for you. Leave her alone and find a lady who is OK with you living your life.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (26 July 2009):
 Well you screwed yourself by lying about your activities in the first place. Regardless of whether you did it so she wouldn't be upset, you must have honesty even when aboujt such trivial matters. Because trivial matters (when lying is involved) find their way to be huge blowouts(which you experienced).If there was nothing wrong going on, thern wehy did you lier about it in the first place.I would suggest you move on. even if you get back together, you will soon tire of not being able to hang with your friends and eventually will do so without her knowledge. Then she will break up with you, then the cycle will repeat itself.If you really love her, you show it by ACTIONS and not words. You are already giving a huge caveat to her if you two get back together, which she is unlikely to accept. Even if she accepts it, she will be doing it under duress, which means your relationship is doomed to failure. For she will eventually tire of it as well, and then god only knows what she will do...perhaps hang out with some male friends of her own?Move on. And in the future, be honest with the one you are with.
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