A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had my first boyfriend when I was 16. I am 17 now. He turned out to be a creep 'cause he was wayyyy more interested in my body than me as an actual person.I am no longer looking for a relationship, and rarely give anybody any hints that I want to be "with" them as anything other than a friend. But, since then, every boy who has liked me has been, well, kind of creepy. I'm sure they are nice people really, and I could probably be friends with them if they were not romantically interested in me. But...Case study (the most recent misadventure that made me decide to post here):A boy who I met due to a common interest added me on a social networking site. He seemed nice. Then he started saying things like "you're really hot", "we were made for eachother" and "I want to be with you" and "I can't wait to see you" ... after I'd known him for not even one day.Incidentally, I'm bisexual, and girls do this to me too. I don't understand why this happens... I am not an overly accommodating person, I'm generally not affectionate or romantic, I'm completely disinterested in anything other than my studies and my friends right now, yet still the creepers keep on coming.In a nutshell: only clingy and creepy inappropriately affectionate people seem to be attracted to me. Please can I get some reassurance that this won't last forever and not everybody out there is a creeper, and also some hints on how to reject people -- because I'm not very good at that.Thanks a million. :) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (30 May 2011):
 There's a selection bias at work here. Normal people get the hint quickly, and leave. They see you're closed body language, or they listen to your tone of voice, or notice that you're not making the kind of eye contact someone does when they're interested. Or they read between the lines of what you say, see you're not interested, and leave.
I'd be willing to bet there are a lot of people who were somewhat interested, saw the hints, and left. They probably outnumber the creepy people by a fair margin.
Less socially adept people, by definition, will not get these hints. I don't much like the term "creepy," given that a decent number of them are probably just awkward or a little aspie and are trying unsuccessfully to mimic the behavior of less-awkward people, but the end result is the same for you. They won't get hints, because they can't. You have to take responsibility for your own happiness, and politely but firmly make a clear statement of your lack of interest.
In the long run, you'll be happier by having some control over the type of attention you receive, and the guys will be happier because they got shot down before they could get too emotionally invested in you. Everyone wins.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 May 2011):
 I'm not convinced these guys were being "creepy" they may have just been "testing the waters" to try to identify the person they were dealing with.Don't be so quick to judge them or yourself. You're not attracing the "creepy" ones. They're just being guys trying to "hit on you" not your fault. Simply reply with a kind but firm, "Excuse me but I'm not real compfortable with that kind of language." They will get the hint and leave you alone. If not, Then they're creepy and you should get louder and all up in their face.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): I feel your pain. I'm 24 and it's still happening. I think it's partly because you don't want to be mean so you don't tell them directly that you're not interested.
I'm like that. Instead of saying "sorry, i'm not interested" i change the subject or make excuses. The next time a guy is "creepy" be kind but firm and tell him you're just not interested in a relationship or anything else with them.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (30 May 2011):
 probably the ones attracted to you are not creeps per se, but because you are not desperate for a relationship and you are not over affectionate or interested in them and you are kind of wrapped up in your studies, this all makes you seem all the more attractive and they feel they have work harder to get you and hence their behaviour looks a bit too full on, like they are trying to hard.
to reject someone just be honest, you don't have to be hurtful, just factual. don't try to make up excuses to be kind coz this may not give the other person the closure they need in order to give up and move from you
x
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 May 2011):
 You actually just answered your own question - you need to know how to let people know directly that you're not interested. You hate that part, and it's giving the strays and creepy people an in.
The truth is - creepy people pretty much try to stick to everyone, but most people can shoot them down before they get out of the starting gate. Like that one guy - it would have been easy to not friend him.
Learn the phrase "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in a relationship right now". That may feel cruel, but it's actually a kindness both to yourself and them.
If you're not interested, simply don't let there be a possibility of something happening. Also, if there's someone in your life that you do have feelings for (and they're not married or partnered), go for them! Sometimes the creepers come after us because we don't have the guts to go after the ones that do attract us.
In short, be out of the creepers' league, and be IN the league with those you are interested in!
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