A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have recently met a man online. Initially we emailed each other for about three weeks and each time he responded timely and clearly put a lot of effort in his responses. After nearly three weeks of it, I casually suggested that maybe we could chat over a cup of coffee (we live 15 miles apart). He responded very enthusiastically and took over the arrangements of meeting up. Our first date "over coffee" lasted for 3.5 hours and we talked non-stop. He took the initiative during the coffee date to suggest we see a film together and have a meal afterwards. The day after the date I sent a txt to say that I had a great time and thank you. He then made arrangements for us to have our second date. The second date was even better and we had a lovely time talking, laughing and had a lot of positive body language etc. He again suggested we meet up after two weeks (since I would be away on a business trip). At this point the only physical contact we had were kisses on cheeks to say hi and bye and a little friendly hug at the end of date two. I found it strange that we then had no email contact for over a week after the second date. I eventually emailed him after 9 days. it was just a short and sweet hello email. He responded after 3 days.. with a long considered letter, but strangely did not mention the next date. I replied a couple of days later with a nice, warm, friendly letter and also did not mention the date, since I think he made the suggestion so he should follow it up. I am feeling a bit insecure since he has been so quiet over the last two weeks. It has now been two days and I am waiting for a response. My instinct is saying to me that he is not coming on strong enough and does not seem in a hurry to take things further with me. Am I just being paranoid? If he is really interested why is he taking it so slowly? Or is he not interested? Pls help I am going crazy trying to figure it out?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2012): Sounds to me like he has cooled off. Just leave it and if he is interested he will come running. Stay on the site and answer others to keep your options open.
A
female
reader, Deagan  +, writes (28 February 2012):
 It sounds like he checked out. If he was busy, he would say he's busy but mention that he can't wait to see you. If he remained interested, he would be trying to talk to you and see you. It's possible he's met someone else online.
Just carry on with your life, and try not to dwell on it. Don't upset yourself trying to figure out "what you did wrong."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): Do you only communicate via email? Do you have his telephone number? Is there a reason that you don't want to ask him out on date 3?
Maybe he has met someone else, or maybe he's just not that into you, or he feels you are not that into him?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 February 2012):
 You've been very patient and have not come on too strong. I'd say your instinct is correct, he is not coming on strong enough and is not pursuing you. The question is, why?
Two things leap to mind, one is that he has been dating other women and perhaps there is one he is more interested in that you. The second is that he is not dating anyone else but simply isn't all that interested in getting to know you better. Maybe the attraction wasn't there for him.
A third one just occurred to me: he's really really busy with work or has some sort of personal issue that requires his full attention. Maybe a family member who is ill? Maybe he's not been feeling well?
You have several options open to you. One is just drop him as 'nice try, but no dice.' Two is to continue to email every few days, as you are, in the hopes that he will step up his level of interest. And then you could take a risk that you may come on a bit strong yourself and ask him out. Maybe he's waiting for you to take the initiative? Did he pay for the last dates? Maybe he feels it is your turn to do some of the 'work' in terms of setting up a date and paying for it?
What do you have to lose by asking him out, may I ask?
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (28 February 2012):
 HI
It sounds like his probably met someone else online. Maybe he thought when he put all the efforts in for the first couple of dates he was going to be getting more than a kiss and cuddle, and as this never happened his moved on to someone that is willing to stoop to his level. Dont go crazy over it, just put it down to experience. To be honest I have never liked this online dating, you really dont know who you are meeting up with. Anyone can sound good on paper so to speak, write nice words, pay loads of compliments, but you just dont know the real person behind that profile. He could be married, with kids. I say bring back old fashioned dating, but thats just me lol.
Mandy x
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