A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidKind agony aunts I call on you today for some guidance if I may, I’m in really in unfamiliar waters at the minute and kind of facing several challenges in my life at the minuet that I’d appreciate some guidance with.Ok, a little bit about me... I’m nearly 18, never had a girlfriend and independent. Until now I’ve never had a girlfriend as to be honest a) I didn’t want to disrespect girls by going out with them, knowing I didn’t love them and b) I’ve found the prospect of relationships difficult as I was abused as a child and it’s taken time for me to trust people and learn that relationships are normal/good things.I have a strong moral code, so unlike most teens, I actually dream and seek to meet, adore, respect and love somebody. The idea of no strings sex and teen lust actually means nothing to me.This summer, my dream to meet a special someone came true. I went to this 3 day conference and life had to be typical and sent me several girls that were interested, but only one was really real, the one worth fighting for.At the conference me and this girl (I’ll use the number 1 as a name) really clicked, we’re so similar and just click so well. Some immature idiots told her I was fond of her, so whilst on the conference she did say ‘we’re just friends right?’ to which I responded ‘sure’. After the conference she rang me every day, and week later we met up in a city and had a great day. During the day she said ‘we’re just friends’ but then would say ‘you should come visit, but don’t think my Mum would like me having a bf etc’. So was hot and cold all day. To add to this she said she thought love was such a strong word that couldn’t be said lightly.I really had a great day with her and to be honest cried driving home, I was so sad to leave her. She rang me every day after that, I missed her so bad.A week later she got a boyfriend. Trying to be a good friend I told her I was happy for her, but really I was gutted and slowly began to try and forget about her, yet she still texted me daily. One night (early hours) I got a text where she said ‘I think I love you’, I replied and told her how I felt the same and cried etc. The next day she rang and I apologised saying it’s not right she has a bf etc, and she agreed but said she loved me and always will and said that boyfriends come and go, but she knows I’ll always be there for her.A week later she broke up with her boyfriend and told me it was because he was after one thing. I then decided to meet up with her last weekend as she lives 240 miles away and therefore it’s hard for me to have time to visit her. She invited me to meet her parents etc, it was a great success they liked me (I think) etc. However again she was hot and cold, one minute saying ‘man you should get a girl friend’ then next minute telling me about her ex’s and asking me stuff like ‘where would you like to get married?’ etc.I have no idea where we stand, we’re good friends. We declared our love but then she blows hot and cold. Where do I stand? I think I’m in love, but dare I say I love the idea of us being together and that doesn’t mean she loves me?How do you perceive the situation/her? What shall I do? I can’t face asking her how she feels; I’m so scared to loose her.Also without sounding stuck up/arrogant, my interests from girls has only really arisen coincidentally since my recent successes that have made me known through the media and which have made me appear very wealthy etc. Since then I’ve had several one night stand offers etc. Is this normal at such age? If not do you think these people are only interested in the materialism and not me for who I am? Because that’s how I see it and by the way I have never accepted such offers, nor do I wish to.Sorry to put this one to you, but I can’t really discuss this with family and no friends etc, understand what’s it’s like. It’s nice to be judged/seek advice from with all due respect strangers who have no idea who I am and can just offer straight, unbiased, kind advice.Thank you so much for your time/help.
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broke up, her ex, I love you, immature, never had a girlfriend, one night stand, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): I think this girl is fickle. She says she loves you then gets a boyfriend then asks about marriage then talksa bout her exes. She wavers, you can't trust a wavering pillar... Notb like she's a pillar but yeah hopefully you see my point through the crap analagy. On the one night stand thing I think it's quite sad and moronic people would offer themselves to you cos they saw how rich you were on 'cribs' or wherever .
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (31 August 2010):
 I didn't have one night stands till college..in your teens you're still trying to figure out who you are and your direction in life..and love is confusing. There's going to be gold diggers due to your wealth and popularity. Plus, a lot of girls saying those 3 words real quick. That's kinda cool I'm giving an up and comer a piece advice. You already have a good head on shoulders so I'm confident you can weed out the bad apples in dating. Now, let's talk about 1....stay away from girls who are bouncing back and forth between you and a current ex. You will never like the outcome, and it's not fun to be toyed around. How can she decide she loves you after 3 weeks? Love takes time to develop, you just met her. Take the time to know her and keep it as nothing but friends. Otherwise, you will continue to be confused by her actions. This way you won't lose her but are keeping your options open at the same time. You're 16-17 and a success, don't lose sight of your youth. The more women you date (and you don't have to have sex with each one) the more experience you will get and the more you learn about the opposite sex!
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