A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:long story short... adult storygirl meets boy on lake, 2 weeks later he moves across country... their friendship turn to love and he moves back for her. They get a house things are going good and SNAP everything goes to shit. He basically rapes her in her sleep has no remorse and continues to a prick about sex regardless of the fact that she was molested as a child. 4yrs of putting up with shit and him being forceful... NO SEX... turns into break on his part... but comes begging and promises counseling to the girl (girl leaves new man). Over 3 years they dated, but girl knew the second a realationship was stated he be back to being a prick... 3yrs he became princes charming. Finally girl commits to a realationship with him and shortly after they are engaged. Girl gets fucked up in the head... she realizes sometime... that she took her dad in to live cause he had no where to go and while taking care of her sister that claimed her father molested her... she realizes she too was molested at a young age by this wonderful father living with her. Woman loses it, but tries to hold it together at the same time. Fiance knows all history, but is very condesending to the women about sex regardless. Fiance gets a dry spell on sex from the women. The woman breaks off the relationship due to a freak out and the fact that the fiance has just left bruises on her in thigh due to trying to wake her up for some action... The women tells the man "search yourself, whatever is easier... move on or go to counseling and work on us (8yrs in the realtionship). They remain friends and then something really odd happened. She would go on a date she was waiting for him. 9months pass and shes numb to the X (hasn't really thought about him but wont date), but then (step)sister gets worse mentally... The women livid with the bustard now (father living with her)... she like this because of him and that could have been me if I knew fully years ago what happened. Women confronts father... he fucks with her head and threats to kill her. scared for her life... she runs to her X. He protects her gives her a place to stay for a couple weeks. The whole time he was on match.com going on dates and even at one point told the women she was his perfect women minus one major flaw (sexually dysfucntional). Women turns to guy friend simply to have someone near home to keep an eye on her (guy does have a clue what is going on). KICKER... sister dies... X is there in full force (guy friend just being a friend), but still going on match.com looking for the one. Woman then goes through... neice in jail, brother in the hospital on his way back home after sister passed... women drives 3 states away to get brother car breaks down... women gets rental... the following week go back to get car. takes the drive by herself to clear her mind, calls X balling several times and realizes how much of the realationship problems were her fault and how much she loves him (he changed a lot in 9 yrs - he grew up a bit). When she returns home... X is still on match.com, but asks if the 2 of them were getting back together?WHAT??? MIXED SIGNALS for X, confusing time in my life and now... when I need him the most he's still on match.com dates. So guy friend asks girl to movie and drinks... me being vunerable I threw myself at this guy (i was interested, but we were friends and I knew I still loved my X. plus new guy was to sweet to hurt). Next day... X seriously ask... r we getting back together. I asked about counseling and he started crying... "do you really think it will help us fix our problems" ME: "YES almost in tears, but to numb from the hell of the last month to feel anything". I brought up match.com and asked how I was suppose to take him serious... he laughed and said he saw my point. And I repeat the "search yourself" speach and he said WELL I GUESS I STILL NEED TO SEARCH MYSELF in a rude tone.CONFUSED... but gave the new guy a chance cause the X was still on match. The realtionship moved way to fast and he had us in a realtionship before I even knew what happened. In the mean while I spent every morning for 3 months waking up thinking about my sister and X. CRYING, depressed, unmotivated...I finally had to shut out the X and gave into the new realationship cause I was getting mixed signals again when I thought we were just friends... THE THING IS he loves, but whats the problem - ive known this all along. BUT I couldn't wait for ever and I had to urge to fight to have him after everything I went throw. 9 yrs... the answer shouldn't be that difficult.WELL... 3 months later X has a girl friend and now hes moved on... were still friendly, but he wont tell me he is in a realtionship... he knows I am. The thing is... I struggle every day cause the guy I'm with is so wonderful, but I can't get over my X.9months before my sister passed... I didn't think much about my X, but couldn't move on... ever since my sister passed and he took me in... I can't sop think about him.I'm a train wreck... any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): Rape is not something I take lightly as I am a survivor of abuse myself, what I what I would like to ask you is this, did you X really rape you in your sleep? Are you sure it was rape? My boyfriend will sometimes just jerk himself while laying behind me or even sometimes get some action done while im a sleep, and ill wake up just before he is about to go… LOL to some that mind sound odd but its not like he is raping me in my sleep. I know from experience as well how girls like us, who had our bodies violated at such a young age react to sex, your X was not molested he can try to understand but wont ever fully, I still cant let my BF put his entire body weight on top of me and after 6 years of being together he still doesn’t really get how silly things like that can bring that image of a man you loved and trusted and who is now hurting your body back into your head. But we deal with it. I am not saying you back to your ex, as he did treat you bad sometimes, that choice will be yours but you need to get yourself into counseling first, this will give you a better perspective of your life and your relationship with your ex, you go and get counseling you fix your heart your head and your emotions and then when you can think clearly decide if he is any good for you, in one sentence your ex asked you if you think that will fix your problems, it could, and if not fix it teach you how to deal with it, what happened to you will affect every relationship you ever get into, it will change you and the way you look at men, if you don’t get help now my angel I can only see darkness for you, you need to find away to get rid of the demons in your past which is haunting you, I know you feel strong enough to carry this on your own but you are not. Not alone, counseling will help you to heal and even if you do this alone, it would’ve been better to do it with your ex (providing you were still trying to fix your relationship) and if you are serious about the new guy take him along it helps more than you know. Your father took your power away from you when you were a little girl you were to young to say stop it its wrong, but now that you are an adult you have the power to change this, to take your power back, and make sure that you would be able to live a full happy life, to make sure that you can trust a man without subconsciously worrying that he will do something to hurt you. Your life sucked but now you must make it better, don’t lie in bed and cry tell yourself you are strong and that you will get through it, and please love go get the counseling please please please help yourself before you slip to far into depression land and end up alone and hurt because of what your dad did to you. May God send a million angels to carry you through.Please keep us posted
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