A
female
age
41-50,
*ynn1977
writes:Help! My ex boyfriend left me for another woman while he was in rehab for drugs and alcohol and she in there for a nervous breakdown and an eating disorder! They fell in love in two days in rehab? It has been almost two years and they are still together. I sent my ex boyfriend some messages through Facebook and she finally responded! She was not very nice to me and then the next day we were fast friends! Now I am obsessed with his new girlfriend! I email her all the time and I want to hang out with her! Is it because deep down I want him back? I saw her picture on his Facebook page and she is more prettier than I will ever be!! What is going on with me?
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drugs, facebook, fell in love, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Beckysweets +, writes (8 April 2010):
In response to your very last comment ..Good let it go thats the advice everyone here keeps giving you. Get some help for you and work on yourself ONLY. Become obsessed with healing yourself and your life. AGAIN this has nothing to do with them and everything to do with how you handle it...life is 10% of what happens and 90% od how we handle it! Good luck
A
female
reader, lynn1977 +, writes (8 April 2010):
lynn1977 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank you all who helped me! I said goodbye to it all tonight and I am going to work on my obsessive-compulsive behaviors- I am scared that I will do it again though! any suggestions to stay stopped
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A
female
reader, lynn1977 +, writes (8 April 2010):
lynn1977 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI realize that I have a problem with being obsessed with my exboyfriend's girlfriend! She acted like she was my friend again and even sent me an Easter card on Sunday and now she has not opened up my ecards I sent her and I have emailed her asking her to email me! I know his mother was in town for easter and she came in last wednesday but I am sure she would have at least opened up my cards!! She is playing me isn't she! My exboyfriend and her are probably laughing at my emails huh? What do you think and how can I get them back?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010):
Walk away from this mess.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): Dear, I just read your follow-up(s) (especially the part where you stated you are still in love with him) and there is no doubt that you have latched on to this girl as an extension to your ex, still feeding on the debris of that relationship. But it has turned to poison and is breaking you down psychologically and physically. You must remove yourself from the equation for your own well-being and to regain balance.
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A
female
reader, Beckysweets +, writes (7 April 2010):
Lynn,thanks for more info...this is drama and let it go.This is getting way to much time in your head.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 April 2010):
 Lynn, this is not normal behavior for anyone. Are you sober? Are you clean yourself?
I think she friended you on FB to keep an eye on you. You sound as though you are capable of some very vengeful and erratic behavior and I think you need to back off entirely.
I don't think it's genuine friendship that she's extending and I do wonder about your motivation.
No, it's not normal to fall in love in 2 days but it's lasted 2 years and that's what you need to keep in mind. I think you are on a self-destructive path and need to stop and think why you would put yourself in a situation like this. It doesn't sound healthy to me.
Take care of yourself, please.
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A
female
reader, lynn1977 +, writes (7 April 2010):
lynn1977 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI accidentally unsubscribed myself from this question- I did not mean to- please help me!
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A
female
reader, lynn1977 +, writes (6 April 2010):
lynn1977 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you! I have no one to talk to about this because I am embarrassed! See, I feel that it is crazy that the two of them fell in love with each other after two days in rehab! What do you think? She told me how they got together! I flipped out on her and him! 2 days? I sent him a Fed-ex in Florida at his work and sent him all the emails her and I sent each other and all the problems that she told me regarding how he treats her! I sent her so many emails telling her vicious things! I finally apologized to her and now we are friends again! She has not even opened up my Easter and Birthday Cards I emailed to her! She told me that she is thinking about me all the time and looks forward to hearing from me? Is she messing with my head and how do I find out because I do not want her to get the last laugh on me! I already feel that she is better than me! Help so I can put this behind me?
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A
female
reader, lynn1977 +, writes (6 April 2010):
lynn1977 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the responses! See, I befriended her and then I trashed them both and sent her vicious emails and a fed-ex to his work with all of the emails that me and her wrote to each other along with a lot of bad info that she told me about how he treats her. She told me to go take a hike and then I apologized to her and we have become friends again! She sent me a Hallmark Easter card on Sunday morning about 2:30 in the morning! so I guess she has not told him? I do like this girl and yes I am still in love with my ex! She has not even opened up the hallmark cards I sent her! His mother is in town so maybe that is why? Is she messing with my head? how do I find out without being rude and obnoxious? Is it crazy for two people to fall in love in rehab after 2 days? Please respond!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): Perhaps you are lingering behind the idea of him and somehow still living in this relationship vicariously through this woman. Perhaps, you just like her. Sometimes is very easy to spark a new relationship with a new person, especially if you are both affable and share common interests. Most women tend to get territorial when they are approached by a lover's ex,but frankly there are a few who don't.
So, I think to settle these emerging doubts you should take some time away from her. Just tell her that you will have to work on a project so you will be a little busy for a few weeks. See, if this period away from her (or both of them rather) makes you feel better and puts you at peace. If so, then it would be beneficial to maintain a distance from her. If you genuinely miss her, or your conversations, then you could keep this friendship strong.
I have known quite a few women who have first met each other through a man, and even when he was no longer a factor in either their lives, still remained fast friends. Perhaps this is one of those instances.
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A
female
reader, Beckysweets +, writes (6 April 2010):
I was also thinking the same thing as 08019p but didn't want to be to heart breaking. If her emails turned from nasty to nice they could be pranking you and laughing at your emails and as cruel as it is in your senstive state with this planning something. I'm so sorry to have to share that but thats my gut intinct.
It's a crappy thing to do because you're taking it so hard and you'd hopw comapssion would come into play first that he just tells you "Look it's over,leave me alone" Not only that but facebook also has a feature called "block" were someone can totaly block the person from ever seeing them...this is whats also making me think they're having fun with this. You don't need to be obsessed with anyone. just getting your life back and being a faabulous you on all levels! Take your power back!
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A
female
reader, Beckysweets +, writes (6 April 2010):
You're between 30 and 35? For some reason you sound younger. What is the root of obsession. You have to get to it. You feel like she is special and has something you don't because he left you and got with her. Try to move on and I would n not hang out with her or contact her becasue it's keeping you attached to this. Its been two years.You're wasting your life away.Younow want to be around her to know what she's like that he see's because you're curious. Get out of your mind that she has something you don't. She doesn't your boyfriend just moved on as painful as it is. Besised it's not really a sincere connection between you too(you and her) anyways. You just want to find out about her and she may have something up her sleeve with you. Move on sweetie,please!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): Well the relationship ended quite abruptly as he essentially left you for another woman. If two years later you are sending him messages, it suggests you are not over him. The first thing to do is deal with that. Also, he himself has not replied to your messages, his gf has. This means that either she is checking his face book messages without him knowing (which is somewhat unlikely) or he is allowing her/ telling her to send messages on his behalf. Either way, given the time frame I would think that he has no interest in getting back with you. Now, you say you are obsessed with his new girlfriend, but at the same time you seem to like her. If you are becoming friends, and genuinely hit it off then I do not see any reason why you cannot remain friends. Sure, its a bit unorthodox ... but it could work. However, I do suggest that you do not use this friendship to get your ex back and that you set clear boundaries for yourself about what you will and will not do (in terms of contact with your ex) if you chose to pursue the friendship with his new girl.Although I do not want to be cynical I would like to give you a word of warning. There is a chance that your ex together with his new girlfriend are pranking you in some way... It is childish, immature and a bit despicable..but I wouldn't put it past some people.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): This sounds like an unhealthy relationship. I think you sought her out when you were feeling insecure about how their relationship started and yours ended.
Ask yourself, why are you interested in this woman?
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