A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Due to an injury I was unable to perform sexually for several years. The problem has since past. During that time I allowed my wife to take a lover. Now I am back on my feet and well able to perform but she wants to continue seeing this guy because she enjoys it. That is fine with me but she does not want me to have the same as far as taking another lover, or as I suggested we try finding a couple to play with which would be my preference. Let me clear one thing up. NO, this is not a situation where she has fallen in love with this guy. We have been married for 25 years and our marriage is just as strong as ever and she is not sneaking around behind my back with him. I am welcome to join them anytime in a three way and she always tells me when they are planning on getting together. I am not jealous. I am glad she is enjoying herself but am confused by her refusal. She says she just can't stand the idea of me being with another woman. Any suggestions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2008): Oh, and the other thing I can suggest: she's said you're welcome to join them in a threesome. I count this as a good sign, the fact that she want to have you involved in her new sex life. Assuming he's respectful of you and your marriage, discuss this with both of them, and do it. Have an understanding between all of you that if things don't go well for you, they'll stop all actions and take up again another time. BUT, if things *do* go well, you might find that working with the other man as a team to greatly pleasure your wife will be such a turnon that you don't really need another woman - your 'new' wife *will* be the other woman, what with her doing and saying things you've not seen before. Explore this 'new' woman in your life, and enjoy discovering the many new ways the two of you can share pleasures :-).
A
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reader, Dr Vendetta  +, writes (28 September 2008):
 Oi vay...
Well, props to you for thinking of your wifes needs. i'm sure if you read this forum you'll see plenty of posts by guys saying they are married and not had sex for 25 years.
"this is not a situation where she has fallen in love with this guy."
Now. this is gonna be the hard part for you. you seem to be as trusting as you are stubbon. inlive or not you have to admit there is a strong connection there whever or not your marriage is still strong.
Long story short, you're letting her have her cake and eating it. of course demanding she stops.. will cause problems and probably sneeking around. and don't give me that " oh my i trust and love her" crap. would she be resentful? of course. theres no two ways about it.
of course you have to talk to her and tell her how you feel. but for her to say its ok for her and not you.. yeah thats pretty selfish. maybe become swingers?
I'm almost wondering if the sight of you being with another women would be enough to .. make her see the light?
Your wife is .. well hell, i'll say it. she's being a selfish - spoilt brat with her " its good enough for me but not for you" attitude.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2008): Accept the fact that you were able to deal with your wife having a recreational sex partner w/o coming unglued with jealousy, but your wife is not able to do the same. She's expressed a valid concern that she'll get Very insecure, unhappy and anxious about the possible effects of you having another woman - perhaps due to her desire to continue seeing her lover although there's strictly speaking no need for him anymore. No, she's not sneaking around, but there's definitely an attachment there. She realizes this, and doesn't want to have to deal with the same thing (however less than your connection with your wife) happening between you and another woman.
You are not fully monogamous, and she is. Neither is better than the other, but you'll need to respect her choice. After all, how would you feel if she didn't respect your feelings about her other man? That would create an unnecessary strain on your relationship. If her not agreeing to allow you to play now that you're up and about is causing any bad feelings (resentment, envy, etc), you need to have a conversation with your wife, lest these cause trouble for the two of you.
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