A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my husband and i have been together for 9 years( married for 5).We are now having somewhat of an open relationship for the last year and so far everything is good. We have made out with other people a lot of times even in front of each other, went on a few dates and we come home and always have stories to share.It has brought us both closer i think.As for the rules we know that we are the primary relationship and we can have have no strings attached relationships outside of it/casual fling or whatever you want to call it. I want to know how to tell other people about this arrangement. I want to talk to someone but I'm so nervous to tell him about my open relationship. Do they even need to know I'm married? When is a good time to tell the third person? Please no judgment on our relationship. We are a truly happy/ loving couple and enjoy living together A LOT but socially we don't want to be seen as husband and wife anymore but in a relationship status.We no longer believe in the concept of "marriage/monogamy". I don't even know how to label it but it is marriage only in the eyes of law. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (27 March 2012):
 "we don't want to be seen as husband and wife anymore but in a relationship status.We no longer believe in the concept of "marriage/monogamy"."
The fact is that you ARE married. If you no longer wish to be seen or associated as married people, why not get a divorce? You will then officially have your "relationship status" because you'll actually be a boyfriend and girlfriend. If you both no longer believe in marriage and don't want anyone to think you're married, then don't be married. This is an easy solution. Get the paperwork to match how you feel.
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (27 March 2012):
I think you should be honest with any third party from the very beginning. Otherwise, people will feel misled and tricked if you wait until you have developed some sort of relationship with them before telling them.
However, if you and your husband don't see yourselves fitting into the category of marriage, then why are you still married? everything else staying the same, it might help to clarify your situation to everyone involved, if you removed the label of "marriage" from your relationship.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 March 2012):
 YOU MUST BE HONEST FROM THE BEGINNING.
your ads to find folks need to say NSA/FWB or whatever.
I am not judging you at all... my last marriage was like this and had my husband had decent self-esteem we might still be married. I have close friends that are "swingers" in open marriages.... and for those that wish to live that way it's great as long as everyone is open and above board from day one.
AND you have to both have decent self-esteem.
As it is I am now with my NSA partner and we are engaged to marry and we plan a monogamous relationship....
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 just tell it like it is. an open marriage. if your not planning on divorce then why do you need to tell the third person as its purely sex your meeting for. If you keep it casual one off then emotional bonds cannot be formed and your marriage is safe.but it could backfire if one of you falls in love with your fling that can happen . your all adults so nobody should judge you
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