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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi I would be really grateful for any answers to this I am a single parent to a little girl who is 4 I have no problem meeting men but they do not stick around here's some background info met a man fell pregnant after a year (my daughters father) walks out on me at 11 weeks pregnant and never saw him again he now has another child and is still with the woman I met a man that had done some things so I split up with him I thought I had met a man 15 month ago that wanted a relationship till it turned into just a fwb and who just comes round for sex maybe every two months which I am going to stopi met a man at a club 6 weeks ago we went on two dates and he still texts me but hasn't arrangd a third date I am often told I am good looking with a good figure etc but every man I meet doesn't stick around what could I be doing wrong? I have focused on my daughter for 4 year but now at 26 I feel I would like to settle any sugestions on how I could change this would be greatly appreciated sorry this is long thank you
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 June 2012):
 Take the time to get to know a guy before you have sex. That means MONTHS. You have a child so it's even more important that he is a guy who YOU would WANT around your child.
FWB, sorry, bad idea over all. Specially if you are looking for a long term relationship.
I wold also consider looking for men in other places then night clubs.
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (10 June 2012):
 Hi
All good advice from posters, especially Cerberus. Your still involved emotionally and seeing your FWB, you can't simply say you are going to give him up, just do it. Let him go. Until you do no man will want an in depth relationship with you because your not fully available.
Your daughter will always come first and thats a fact of life, but it doesn't mean you cant have a relationship. SO get rid of FWB, show yourself to be assertive and reliable, not flakey and needy. Show yourself to be potentially a good girlfriend and partner.Dont keep the reserve man, let him go now and start with a clean sheet. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2012): All the other posters gave great advice OP but as a guy I have to say you need to make better decisions.
Look please don't think I'm having a go at you but on the outside you're a big risk. Obviously having a kid is cool and all but you're too much of an unknown quantity in the respect that you're still making bad decisions, I've dated single mothers a few times and the best were those who weren't as fickle as you. For 15 months you've been letting a guy come and bone you and drop you afterwards and then you say "you're going to" stop that, am no thanks OP, I'd rather a woman that does what she says instead of beating around the bush always planning to do things. Why would I date you when I can never be sure if this guy is going to pop up again or not?
I mean you've been seeing this other guy for a couple of dates now at the same time as keeping your fwb around. I wouldn't ask you for a third date either OP. You're too big of a risk because you like to hedge your bets and who knows how many other guys you're trying out at the same time as me. If this is how you treat men then why would I bother?
Sorry OP but you've made yourself a big risk, 15 months a being a guys play thing when what you really want is a relationship is not the kind of girl most of us guys want for anything other than sex. Why would anyone want to date a person who likes to keep backups, what happens if we have a big argument, how do I know you're not going to run off to this other guy? You can say that will never happen OP but you're here saying "you're going to" well what are you waiting for? If he's not giving you what you want then why is he still allowed to come over and bone you after 15 months?
Sorry to say it OP but you should have ditched your FWB as soon as you realized what you really wanted was a relationship, and especially the moment this other guy showed interest. I personally would have nothing more to do with you because I have seen what happens with girls who like to have more than one guy sniffing around and it's not for me.
You're simply not as available as you think you are OP, what you want and what you do are two very different things. Come on OP would you really be comfortable going on dates with me knowing that I have an FWB that I might get rid of in the future. You wouldn't mind that I had a close physical and emotion connection to someone else lasting nearly a year and a half, someone that's still going to be a part of my life and someone I haven't even stopped sleeping with while I'm dating you?
No OP, you wouldn't because you'd quickly realize that all I care about is what I want and even then I'm not actually making the right decisions in order to actually get what I want, I'm settling for anything I can get and not willing to lose that FWB in case we don't work out either. Yeah, not really datable then OP am I?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2012): Of course my daughter has never met any of these I would never do that my daughter will always come first over anybody I sleep with them maybe after a month or so
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (10 June 2012):
 Hi, I have several pieces of advice for you. Firstly, your daughter is your priority and I hope that you don't parade these men in your house in front of her. People think at 4 a child is just a child, but children remember things and at 4, you are very observant to people within your environment.Secondly, when you meet these men, how soon after do you sleep with them? If you're doing it fairly quickly, that might be it, they get what they want and mosey on. If you are not sleeping with them and they mosey on, then you shouldn't want them in your life or your daughter's life anyway. They just want one thing.You also have to look at where you are meeting these men. Sorry to say, but it is so rare to find a decent guy while you're both half drunk in a club or a concert or something. Most single men go there to get laid. That's their main goal. Trying going to places that are a bit nicer and more mature. There are a hell of a lot of single parents such as yourself in parks. There are different groups out there who have social activities like hiking or different outings that encourage the people that you are looking for. Because I am sure you are looking for a stable guy, someone kind and well brought up, a gentleman who you can see a future with. Not a gyrating groping half drunk party goer who cannot leave an example for your daughter.You're 26 and a mother...you're not 18 or 19 to be randomly clubbing all over again. You have a responsibility at home and I am sure she means the universe to you...whatever you decide to do or whoever you invite into your life...put her first.I am sure prince charming will show up soon...just be patient and don't look so hard.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2012): The best thing is to be friends with a guy first, no relationship type thing. Get to know them slowly. Most guys who go to clubs and pubs are out every week on the pull.They're looking for sex usually and a good time. Its not ideal. When you give out your number then treat it as casual when you date,not like he's gonna be your future husband,get to know him.Make yourself a prize he has to work for, be a bit offhand, dont be available for dates everytime,dont answer texts straight away.Dont initiate the conversation, not till you know him well.Let him work to get to see you.Have your mates got fellas, they must have mates they could introduce you to? Being goodlooking with a good figure isnt everything,you have to have other stuff going on too, do you work,have a sport or something you do,? If you don't work,maybe start at college do a course,ready for when your daughter starts school.Take up running or something if moneys tight.Keep doing the same and you get the same, so change.And dont give up,we all kiss a lot of frogs before we find a prince.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 June 2012):
 I am not sure there is anything that you can do to change this. At the end of the day all men are different and they are all going to treat you differently. The best advice that I can give you is to keep going out and meeting new people and getting to know them and see what comes along through time. Good luck.
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