A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am really struggling with the loss of a long term relationship and I'm just not sure how to cope with the feelings that I have inside. I'm hoping maybe some aunts/uncles on here can relate?I am a very gentle, sensitive person. I try my hardest to always be kind, thoughtful and caring of others. I've been this way my whole life. I go out of my way to look out for people I care about and bite my tongue when others are unkind or hurtful to me.I've been told that I am an extremely nice person. I've been told that my whole life, my ex husband even used to laughingly call me a marshmallow because I'm such a softy!After my 12 year relationship broke up last month, I just feel so mean and angry at the whole world! I don't want to be nice anymore! I hurt so much inside and I just don't care anymore about other's feelings or how someone else feels. I have so much pain inside and the loss of this relationship is almost killing me, it just hurts so damn bad inside to know that someone I loved so much could have led me on for 12 years, and then in the end just leaves me. He chose to go back to his own country (Japan) and lead a "traditional life". He lied to me about the last 2 months of our relationship and I think he may have been cheating also although I'll never know for sure. I've been married and divorced and I know what hurt and pain is, but I still have never felt this way. I just feel so damn angry at the whole world! I don't show it and I still continue on trying to be kind and nice to others..but I really just want to lash out at everyone and everything! I've never experienced this kind of feeling before and it makes me sick inside.I'm tired of everyone saying "oh just move on and get over it"....its not that easy to do when you're 50 years old and you know its just not that easy to go out and date again! And the sad part is..I dont want to date again..why would I? So another man can lie, cheat and hurt me again? PLEASE!!!Has anyone experienced these kind of feelings? Its almost like you just hate the whole world. Will the feelings go away?I feel like the old song from Alice Cooper "No More Mr. Nice Guy".....Can anyone relate???
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 January 2014):
 As regards: "I'm tired of everyone saying "oh just move on and get over it"....its not that easy to do when you're 50 years old and you know its just not that easy to go out and date again! And the sad part is..I dont want to date again..why would I? So another man can lie, cheat and hurt me again? PLEASE!!!"
"Get over it" is a knee jerk reaction that requires no thinking.... AND - ironically - inflicts about the deepest cut possible to someone who reaches out for care and concern. I'll refrain.... NOW....
1. You know darn well that you can't "re-make" yourself in to someone that you are NOT... So, you can cast that out from alternatives that are available to you.... You've always been kind - maybe TOO kind, as some might say - and that's 'way better than being otherwise. Believe me.... I'm a guy, and I'll take "kind" over "bitchy" any day!!!
2. You're over 50!???? So WHAT? You're still breathing. You're still you.. the same warm, desireable woman that you've been for the last (number, here) years. You think the "dating door" slams at 50????? C'mon down here to Florida.... where 50 DOESN'T EVEN QUALIFY FOR THE "EARLY BIRD" SPECIAL!!!! There are dating sites tailored just to people of your advanced years... Consider them... (I've had quite some success.... so am a supporter of "online" matching....)
3. Just as you would not eradicate pigeons, just because one pooped on your car..... don't paint all men with the same brush that you might use for that guy who left you so unexpectedly and unceremoniously. There are OOODLES of great guys - in your age range - who would love to meet and spend time with you.. Find him...
4. Finally... one "legit" way to address your personal woes... for the time being, at least.... consider to volunteer at some worthwhile charity in your community. It will have two certain effects.... 1. to occupy your (mental and physical) time.... 2. to provide good services to people who are probably more "in need" than you are. (Remember: "I was sad because I had no shoes; then I met a man who had no feet!") AND, BONUS!!! At volunteering, you might well run in to a nice guy... who, because you are doing something in-common, you might find you have a spark betwixt you!!!!
Chin up, lady.. Don't give up until you have ceased breathing!!!!
Good luck...
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