A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I just broke up a couple of days ago. We have been together for five years. This is going to be long in order to give you all the details you might need to help me. When we got together he was still in Iraq. He had went home on leave and his wife told him she wanted to be with someone else. Like I said we have been together for five years we are both 32 years old. I found out about a week ago that he was having an affair with a 22 year old that he works with for the last 8 months. I told him I could forgive this and we could work through it. This lasted about 3 days then he told me he still loves me but he is not in love with me. He said he thinks of me more like a friend now. He is wanting to go back into the military and has not been able to lose all the weight that he has gained. I also must mention he hasnt seen his family in years and hasnt seen his daughters in 2 years. They come home in 8 days for four weeks. I should also let you know that even though we broke up we still live together just in seperate rooms. We are also still taking the girls on our planned vacation to texas to see his family. Help me do you think I have a chance on making this work? Is this just a midlife crisis? Is he just going through some sort of depression? He told this other girl that he loves her but I dont think it would work between them as she is 10 years younger than him and only 6 years older than his oldest daughter. His kids are a handful and she is manic depressive so I dont think she could handle them. Not to mention she doesnt want kids and I love them like they are my own....I cant have kids and I think he feels he has failed me because of that as well. Any insight would be greatly appreciated
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (16 June 2008):
 You have built a lot in 5 years but if he says he is not in love with you and he had an affair and is continuing to have an affair, he probably is going through some issues. It's wonderful that the two of you can be friends and that you care about his children.
It is possible he is going through something, especially that you've said he served in Iraq. If you can stand just being his friend for this period of time with no hope of ever getting back together, do it. There is a chance that he could come to his senses but there is also a chance that he is at his senses right now and he simply has outgrown the relationship for whatever reason. Take the planned trip and if things still are as they are-you're just friends, then you have to decide if this is going to work for you long term.
I can see being friends down the road but right now, if things are over, you need time away from him to grieve and to heal and to sort out what you want.
I wish you the best. You seem like a very kind woman staying by your man.
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