A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need advice on dating. So, I haven't gone on dates for over 12 years. My ex-fiance and I were together 11 years and we did not even dated we were collage buddies. We have been separated for over a year now. I recently signed up for online dating and after e-mailing back and forth and not getting anywhere, nor even meeting people; I decided to be spontaneous and meet a guy who was just plain straight and ask me to meet up. I met him with not expectations, specially when we did not even do the back and forth e-mailing thing so we didn't know anything about each other at all. We decided to meet up for drinks only; but the conversation was so great that we went for dinner. I had plans for that weekend so I told him I can meet him the following week. We just met again for dinner again last night and it went even better.I don't want to jump into anything so quickly, and I want to take things slow. He is just the second guy I met; but the first one I immediately knew there was no connection. But, I can feel the connection with this guy, I mean we talked, we laughed, we had a great time together. He even texted me after that he can't wait to see me again. I am going with the flow and slowly; but I am questioning the whole thing. Is he playing me?? He said he has only been on-line for a month but is it true? How do trust him? Could he be just pretending who he is?? I am sorry but I am just making up excuses for the wonderful time that we have together. It's just too good to be true, he has been perfect so far. I am waiting to see some weird side of him to come out.. How do you know if a guy is a player?? I have no experience on dating at all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2013): I'm sorry I meant to say "You know you are" on the first line.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 October 2013):
 He doesn't sound like a player to me. But of course you need to take it slow, he is someone you don't know at all, you don't know him through friends or anything, so you have no background information on him. Just continue to take it slow. I think kisses would be fine, if the mood is right and you feel comfortable, same with holding hands and giving hugs.
But, don't meet in private at each others houses. Don't have sex until you are in an official relationship for at least two weeks (my personal rule, you can make the time minimum longer if you please). If you get that far, and he asks you about sex, just tell him that this is a standard routine, because it helps you get to know each other and not have a relationship based on sex.
A player wouldn't have let you go after a first date without getting frisky. He would have tried to kiss you, squeeze you in various places, put his arm around you, gotten otherwise physical with you. At least, on the second date he'd have made his moves. He would also have started to aim the conversation onto sex at a very early point. A player would have tried to make you talk about sex, what you like in bed, what bra size you have, things up that street. If he hasn't asked you intimate and inappropriate questions about sex, then I don't think he's a player.
Now of course, he still might not be a good match for you, but at least you know he's not just looking for sex. Although he still might end up being a weirdo in other ways. So continue to take it slow and get to know him. Introduce him to friends etc BEFORE you take things to the next level (sex) with him. Introducing him to friends and seeing how they get along is often a great indicator. A player would never be interested in getting to know your friends, while a man who wants to get to know you will be eager to meet your friends.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (31 October 2013):
 You start by ASSUMING - regardless of whatever else he says - that he is one (a player)..... (because most of us ARE!!!)
Anything that comes out better than that.... you count your Blessings....
Good luck...
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe really doesn't strike me as a player. He hasn't asked me about my sex life; and he hasn't been flirty in a way that he wants to get me into bed at all. We have just mainly talked about ourself, getting to know each other and what we liked and what I like. He is a true gentleman, then one who pulls out the chair for you and gets you a cab, opens the door. :-) He seems like a very serious guy, normal. But, then again I have not game and I have no idea what I am doing, and I am terrified. I don't want to think much into it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2013): The players I have come in contact with would always start with, "You know are ..... Sexy, beautiful,the only one for me,
gorgeous, different from other girls I've dated, etc. Even if you are all those things they over do the compliments. And if you are with them they say it and try to get you to sleep with them to quickly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2013): I had to go through a few of the weird ones to get to the good ones. Players want to see how many girls they can get.
They do do compliment a lot and casually try to question you about your sex life. They try to make you feel like you are the only one. You will know when someone is genuine by their actions. If he questions you about something you question him too. Find out as much as you can but remain cautious and take things slow. I just started dating again and there is quite a bit you have to look out for. But if you click with someone, just take it slow and have a good time. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (31 October 2013):
Players have the gift of gab; not like talking about interesting things, but like making you feel special, desirable, horny, etc, all with his words.
Often their actions don't match their words either.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (31 October 2013):
 there's really no telling as of yet if he is a player or not or if he is lying or being real with you. this is why taking it slow and not jumping in so quickly is very important, as you said.
just keep doing what you're doing. relax and enjoy your time together. don't set your expectations too high just yet. just play it by ear and trust your gut instinct. i've done online dating before and experiencd a lot of disappointment. there are a lot of fakes and phonies out there. but there are most certainly also wonderful people looking to find someone!
there are some key ways of noticing general traits of a player, such as pushing for sex early on, excessive compliments, catching him in subtle lies, etc. as i said, trust your instincts and continue to take it slow. it sounds like a good thing so far!
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