A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello advisors. I apologize for the length but I feel like you guys need to know all the details before you can help me out with this. Before any judging occurs, there has been no cheating. Probably some lying but definitely no cheating. And for the record, I'm currently in a committed relationship that's coming up on 3.5 years with a rather lovely guy.Alright. When I was 15, I met a girl who was also 15. We almost literally became best friends over night. She introduced me to her family (all of whome accepted me as one of them that first dinner I spent with them). That night, I met her two younger brothers. One is a year and a half younger than us, the other is three years younger than us. Being 15, my hormones were nuts so of course, I instantly had a crush on her brother (the one who is a year and a half younger than us). I didn't say anything, however, because I thought it would be weird. Plus, I really didn't think he'd go after me considering I was still going through an awkward phase and I was a 'poor kid'. Literally, I came from poverty.Fast forward five years and we're at my best friend's wedding. I walk down the aisle with her brother. In fact, I spent a lot of time with her brother that day which was probably bad because I was on the verge of dating the guy I'm with now... But everything was innocent; except for the fact that their dad kept saying all these sexual innuendos about me and her brother. Honestly, it comes as no surprise that their dad wanted (still wants) us to be together. In any case, I danced with him that night and he kept saying how beautiful I was; I tried not to let it get to me.After that was over, I start dating my current boyfriend. Later that summer, while my boyfriend went to Missouri, I went to the Carolinas with her family. Her brother was still in Afghanistan with the Army but was due to return two days before I left for home. When he got there, he kept putting his arm around my shoulder and trying to get close. I wasn't uncomfortable with it because I considered him a good friend but I did have a boyfriend, so I tried distancing myself. When I went back home, he texted me a few times and of course, I texted back. Then there was silence from him for two whole weeks and I found out why from my best friend a week later. He'd gotten married. At barely age 20, to a chick he'd known for two months.I wasn't particularly upset about it because it's his life and he can do what he wants. Plus, I was really starting to fall for my boyfriend. What annoyed me was that he didn't even invite his own family to the courthouse ceremony and I was really upset because my best friend was upset over it. I mean, who DOES that? He wasn't the black sleep of the family, he's a good kid by all accounts, but according to him, he'd never done anything selfish. Which is one of the most hilarious things I've ever heard from him. Everything he ever did back in the day had been selfish! Including screwing with my feelings over the last few years.As it goes, I visit her family in the Carolinas every year (she and her mom moved back home a few months ago, however). And the conversation I had with her brother last Christmas was enough to really bug me out. He blatantly asked me if he was divorced and single and I was also single, would I give him a chance. I told him I would consider it but since I'm in a loving, committed relationship, he shouldn't count on me being single anytime soon. He said he understood and gave me a minute long hug. I could've sworn he was sniffing my hair when he did that, too. But he's also still married. And to a girl that my best friend's family does NOT like. According to them, his wife has cheated on him various times, has a drug addiction problem, may or may not have anorexia, and should not be trusted with a baby.Anyway, it's now coming up on Christmas 2013 and of course, I'll be visiting them (in Illinois now) for the festivities and I have no idea what to expect. He might not even be there, for all I know, because his wife controls everything about him. That's not even an exaggeration. She's a selfish bitch who just likes the status of being an 'Army wife'. I think, in the end, I just want my best friend, her brother, and that entire family to be whole and happy again. It breaks my heart seeing from the outside what's happening to that family.So my question is: why the hell am I nervous about this Christmas? I realize the drama that could come of it if he was to divorce his wife and try and get with me. But I'm with someone! Someone who makes me, maybe not overly happy all the time, but my boyfriend understands me. He shares my morals and values and my best friend's brother... kind of doesn't.
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anorexic, best friend, christmas, crush, divorce, friend's brother, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (14 December 2013):
You're probably nervous about Christmas because you don't really know what to expect. Is he going to try something again or is his wife going to be there to make things even more awkward? It's probably just the unknown, so it's understandable to be nervous.
From and outsider's perspective, it all doesn't seem like that big of a deal. Sure, there were crushes involved, but nothing really serious. So there really should be nothing to worry about. He's married; you're committed, so end of story. Just enjoy your time with your friend and her family and don't get caught up in any emotions about her brother, there really shouldn't be any.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2013): I don't know how this guy has been screwing with your feelings for teh past few years? It's not his fault you're massively taken with him. Your mistake was to not just go with your feelings at the wedding, you'd probably be together now if you had 'I danced with him that night and he kept saying how beautiful I was; I tried not to let it get to me.' Move on he is married is my advice and get rid of the guy you're with because you're obviously still infatuated by another.
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