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anonymous
writes: I have been with my partner for seven years. He won't propose. I am older then him by three years and I am the oldest in the group of friend we socialise with, whom of which most are getting married or engaged.Me and my partner have discussed it many times and he still doesn't want marriage. We have a home together and he wants to start a family at the end of the year. What do I do? I love him so much and can't think of life with out him but, I want marriage. I just find myself constantly upset lately and I dont want it to ruin our relationship.
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reader, Rainee  +, writes (12 May 2005):
 Oh, honestly! You've been together a very long time, have discussed it many times, and he still doesn't want to get married. You /do/ want to get married. You don't want it to ruin the relationship, but it's already in ruins, don't you see? He's made a life with you, has a home with you, wants children with you, and yet doesn't respect you enough to protect what you have together. In a accident where he was hospitalized, you, not being family (i.e., not married) would not be able to see him. You would not be the one to make the major medical decisions that needed to be made... and vice versa! He may not ascribe importance to marriage, but the law sure does. And children... not to sound old-fashioned, but do you really want to have children out of wedlock? He seems to think he can get whatever he wants without the commitment, and he can, because you /let/ him. This is your life you're talking about. You want to be happy, right? Go get happy! Find someone who respects you enough to give you everything you deserve. I don't advocate people just leaving because they don't seem to be happy, but ya'll aren't married. He isn't tied to you, but neither are you tied to him. You should remind him of that. You've both invested a lot of time in this together. Marriage is where you build a home, friends and family. Seeing as how ya'll already have most of that down pat (and planning the rest), I don't see how hard can it be for him to "take the plunge" and marry you. Do you? You're constantly upset, and I doubt it's going to go away or get better by itself. You need to take action, and get talking. Don't put it off, don't let him change the subject, and don't give in. There's only 3 things I see happening:1) He gets his way. Status quo doesn't change except you probably will get more miserable.2) You leave for a new life. Things could get better or could get worse, but at least you have a chance for what you want.3) You get your way. Wedding bells and all that good stuff. Scenario one, you do nothing and potential for much sadness, two, potential for happiness, three, happiness. Notice that happiness only comes about when they are linked with change from the status quo? Don't be afraid to rock the boat, you can do it. "Fortune Favors the Brave" I can't tell you what to do, it's your own life.
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reader, lauren1266 +, writes (12 May 2005):
If you guys can't even agree on the idea of "do we" or "don't we" get married, I would think that maybe you shouldn't get married. And if he wants to have children together you are already making a lifetime commitment, it seems irresponsible to decide to bring something very innocent and impressionable into a relationship that you can not even decided to marry each other or not. Marriage should be a two people joined together because they wanted similar goals and they were willing to accept the changes in that person. But for the core vaules of what you want and what you need to feel safe, happy, successful, and loved, those values should be shared. I just think maybe you could step back and take time to see if you two are really as compatible as you think.
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