A
female
age
30-35,
*jazzy.man
writes:Dear Cupid, I met this guy on some dating app ending of November this year. He seemed like a sweet guy and lived in my area, so we met up at a local Starbucks. We seemed to click and clearly were interested in each other so we continued to see more of each other. We had unprotected sex and I know it wasn't smart but things happen when your young ( him being 21 and I'm 20). Less to say I've only known him for a month and now I missed my period in December and now im pregnant. Abortion and adoption aren't options for me anymore, I've decided to keep the baby and face the consequences of not using a condom. Now the only problem is I have to tell him and I don't know how to come forward with this. I'm scared of how he would take this? I don't want to raise this kid alone and I'm not trying to make him marry me or anything, I just want his support and take responsibility the way I am. I need help on how to approach him about this? Another thing is if he chose to stick around or not I still have to face my parents. My dad just came back from Iraq a couple days before Christmas and he's still in zombie mode ( not acting himself) I don't want to add more stress on him so should I wait until I start showing or ASAP? I'm waiting to tell my mother first since I know shes more sensitive then my dad would be about this. But I'm afraid to face them both with or without my partner. Ill appreciate any kind of advice !! Thank you
View related questions:
abortion, christmas, condom, period, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011): Go to the doctor and get it confirmed. False positives are quite common.
Tell your mom first but then expect your father to find out almost straight away unless she deems it necessary to wait.
OP you tell them first because as soon as your partner knows then the whole world will know, he will tell his friends, his parents before you get a chance to tell yours, regardless of whether he says he will keep it to himself he will tell people, and the last thing you want to happen is your dad finding out while drinking in a bar or something like that. So your mom should be the first to know and she needs to know as soon as you have had it confirmed.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 December 2011):
 First up make sure you ARE pregnant, visit a doctor or a family planning clinic .... then tell the boy, but don't expect him to be overjoyed, after all you have only just met each other. Then you will have to tell your parents 9mother) and I KNOW how hard this will be for you, but the longer you leave it the harder it will be, dont try and pick an appropriate moment, there isnt one. Just get her by herself and tell her.
Good luck with it all!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011): I think you should tell your mum first ASAP, she's the one who will hopefully help you with going through with the pregnancy and then rearing the child. She will also know how to approach your dad in the best way too.
Arrange to meet the baby's father and simply explain that you've missed a period and pregnant with his child. Be direct, let him know your feelings about the situation, then listen to what he has to say. Everyone in the situation will need some time to take in the news and think about it. If baby's dad doesn't want to help you, you must be prepared for that. Hopefully your parents will help you.
Just to be realistic..imagine how hard it will be, getting bigger, possibly stretch marks across your tummy, the pain giving birth, serious lack of sleep from a newborn, rearing a child for the next 18 years, possibly alone, lack of freedom from your responsability, lack of money, watching your friends enjoy great holidays while you stay home with your child etc.. then take it from me, it will be much much harder than you could ever possibly imagine! No one can possibly prepare you for how tough having a child is.. it's not a bed of roses!
Children are a wonderful born into a family where the parents are ready for this committment, where there is enough money to pay for everyone to live comfortably and enough room. But not when they are born to a family that cannot give such a good life and there's stress from lack of money, overworked parents arent much fun either.
Consider what you can give to this child if you keep it, how it will impact your plans for a career.. and please do go on to develop a career! learn a skill, or work towards a great job, child care is expensive too but is actually much better for the child to be in that environment than a stay at home mum with no money!
I had my first child at 17, by 21 i was married, with a mortgage and two beautiful children. my ex hubby turned out to be abusive and mentally ill. 20 years later i managed to leave. But under his thumb i never developed my own life properly, I worked in a dead end job but gave everything to being this wonderful mum.. now i'm wondering how i can develop a good income to support myself whilst working my long hours! My children are successful but if i could change anything.. it would be the age i had my children, OR i should have developed that skill i wanted to develop when I was 20!
Make sure you don't give up your life for the child.. develop your skills or career and support yourself and your child.. you'll be glad you did!
Good luck
...............................
|
